~|{ LivinG AlL AlOn3 On My OwN }|~

Moving To A New Blog

2004-12-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

Im moving my blog all to a new site..juz click on the above link

2004-11-17T13:43:00.000+08:00

Aizad,Me & Yan

2004-11-17T13:41:00.000+08:00

Di Rumah Mak Oteh

2004-11-17T13:40:00.000+08:00

Me smiling

2004-11-17T13:35:00.000+08:00

The Look Of Myself

If Ever I Know....

2004-11-17T13:09:00.000+08:00

Its the 4th day Of Syawal 1425H yet im not even in the little bit in the mood of having thought its Hari Raya.....This year,it seems so draggy for me....The lost of my beloved Granny add on to the sadness dat i am facing....Missing her make me shed my tears wen i was praying Tahajud on the Eve of Hari Raya...I feel like she was there watching all of us for the last tyme....Since Atok is celebrating Hari Raya in Malacca, dat would make my parents the eldest in the family..be it my maternal or fathernal side..

Dis year Hari Raya,we had cut down the cost...i together wif Mum & the help of Atok whom had been staying wif me for about sometime,had help me make some delicacies such as Tart,Cornflakes,Koko Krunch,Cookies & cakes....well,it was worthwhile though...eventhough i was tired,burnt my hand,felt & hurt my back....

Morning of Hari Raya,i left home around 0700hrs to go to Masjid Al-Khair for my Eid prayer...I met old friends there....Yeah but cant reach to her cos she was to the extreme side of the mosque whereas i was in the other side of the mosque...Tears shed from my eyes without me knowing me...Yeah,too many thoughts in my mind..missing my love ones add on to it....

Went back home....Along told Mum dat Ustaz Ahmed is in hospital.He is in ICU....
...Astaugfiruallah....Dis even add on to my sadness...."YA ALLAH,Engkau Jauhkanlah Segala Musibah Daripada HambaMu Itu Agar Dia Dapat Membimbing Kami Semua Menunaikan Rukun Islam Yang Ke-5."

By 1200hrs,my house was fully packed by relatives from both my parents side....MAsya-Allah....i didnt really expect dat i do haf such a big family though..hehehehe...dat i had to pull my sleeve up & was busy in the kitchen...whereas my sis,she was lazing about...sigh....it's always dis way...im always being bullied....wat can i say..nothing much though....(baru jer minta ampun)

Left home aroun 1800hrs for Nek Lang house at Bt Panjnag...left her house around 1930hrs...was tired wen i reach home.....

Kepergianmu Ku Iringi Dgn Doa

2004-09-01T23:16:00.000+08:00

Di waktu Hening subuh,sedang manusia-manusia lain sibuk melenakan mata mereka,aku sedang duduk termenung...termenung jauh...hati yang resah tidak dapat terkata.seperti dapat dirasakan sesuatu yang buruk akan berlaku...4.30am....aku duduk di sejadah serahkan jiwaku dan diriku padaNYA...titisan airmataku mengalir tiada henti hingga telefon di kamar berdering...
"Innalillahiwainnalillahirajiun.."
ALLAH lebih menyayangimu wahai Buyuk yang ku sayangi..HAjah Norliyah Binte Ali..ku iringi kepergianmu dgn setangkai DOA dan Al-Fatihah bagi menyinari kuburmu...Biler ku renung akan kembali jasamu itu,ku tahu bahwa kamu harus mendengar setiap satu suara cicit2mu agar mengenali kami...aku tahu walaupun kamu ini sudah hilang daya fizikalmu tetapi ALLAH kamu tidak pernah lupa malah kamu sering mengingatkan kami...
Kehilanganmu secara mendadak harus ku terima dgn hati yg terbuka..dengan rela ku lepaskanmu......amin..

What Should I Say Now...

2004-08-31T23:13:00.000+08:00

Today i went for a interview @ UMC ServiceMaster Pte Ltd...Gosh..i was really nervous though....lost my way there..Hmm....mostly as i was told by my interviewee dat people get lost finding their place thus i feel @ ease cos im not the only one to be in that kind of situation...i was kinda long to be in dat'prison' though...more than 30 minutes...hmm...they did ask me lots of questions & alhamdulillah i was able to answer them back every single question in a peace manner...Well travel all the way down to SGH to get my normal stock of medication...it so kinda pain to eat medication everyday though but in order to live u got to be patience...travelled all the way home den...kinda arrived home ard 3.30pm...HAd my prayer n had a short rest...

For the last few weeks i was kinda busy and m juzt lazy to blog...yeah yeah..preoccupied wif stuffs dat are more important to me..went to Dannie's Bro Wedding wif Emy's Sis wedding..Lots of pics haf been snapped though...be link to my 2nd galore yeah...

Tired & Bored...

2004-08-23T15:26:00.000+08:00

It has been a long tyme since i last blog...seems tongue tied on wat am i suppose to type..many things from A-Z has happened...& not sure where should i start....

Recently i had been more focused on my own life...not worrying about people around me...Well not arrogant....Juz guess it should be tyme for me...to look for my own path in life...Recently i had attend quite a few syarahan and i had gain a lot thru it....

I donno wat 2 write though.......

Friends, I'm away for a while

2004-08-07T04:53:00.000+08:00

Hello all, I have to tell you that I'm not online for a couple days from now. I'll be on the Net a week later. Please leave messages for me by email. Thank you :)

Knp Aku Harus Dilukai...

2004-08-03T23:56:00.000+08:00

Kenapa diriku ini harus dilukai..harus kau hancurkan...apakah aku ini tidak layak untuk mendampingimu..menjagamu,membelaimu seperti masa Khadijah membelai Nabi Muhammad S.A.W??Adakah hina sangat diriku ini di pandangan matamu...

Sesungguhnya aku sedar aku tiada rupa dan tiada bentuk badan ibarat Ratu Dunia ini...tetapi aku mempunyai sebuah hati yang sayangkanmu..Yang pandai menilaikan anatara mutiara dan zamrud....Yang pintar menambat hatimu..Yang penuh ilmu di dada...

Aku rela berkorban apa saja demimu...nyawaku,hartaku,cintaku dan malah diriku...tetapi adakah engkau akan juga berjanji setia kepadaku???

Allah is There For Us...

2004-08-01T20:26:00.000+08:00

Eventhough deep down my heart,i do wanna shout to the whole world & say...."HEY!!!ALLAH will always care for us....Dont depair.."Dats wat is happening to friends & cousins....

Supposedly need to meet Reno on Friday..Mum simply do not understand dat she get freaks out wif me & dont allow me to leave home..Sigh im sorry Reno...& i freak out stay in my bloody room crying...in the evening i left home...yeah my aunt need my help..so went to help her in cooking..believe it or not me in the food industry...khekheke

Well dis tyme round things went on smoothly Alhamdulillah...but i need to remind my aunt in wat we are suppose to cook next juz to keep the tyme running in sequence... hmm wat else....Did the washing of chicken on Friday nite..Wif my cousin Rin...she is a year younger than me...both of us were attired in our shorts & tshirts ready to 'fight' wif the chicken...Pics using her Nokia 3200 being mms to me....

Look at us wif our chicken wings...

See how hardworking i am...cutting up the chicken..khekheke

I woke up around 9 in the morning..From dat point of tyme till the current tyme dis enrty being type,i had not get enuff sleep n my head is killing me....I was sharing lots of stuffs wif my cousing about BGR & SEX...YEah we are ladies so we were open wif it...As usual,we both keep each other secrets...So my little sis dont worry you could entrust me wif your secrets yeah....**wink wink**

My little baby dollish cousin Farhana she keep asking me,"Kak Caca,where are you goin to sleep?Wat tyme are you gonna sleep?"Yeah she is close to me...My aunt told me dat her sister is so garang dats y she cant click wif her.kehkheke im perfectly fine wif it...dat nite,she slept wif me...Jus like my baby cousin,she snuggle under my armpit...hahaha!!was shocked though but i was perfectly fine wif it...i soundly slept cos juz too exhausted....

Oh yeah thanks to bloggers who had tag me btw im not sure why its bad on your pc..but wif mine its perfectly fine...nevertheless i would get the alignment done soon yeaah.....

Been talking to a friend...He's a very close friend of mine....We share lots of stuffs together..He passed me a few stuffs dat is indeed beneficial to me...So here i am gonna put it up... Thru dis link yeah...click on it... Ratib Haddad

Been reading people blog...N juz wanna say preserve thru yeah... n here i am to say a thousand apology if ever i hurt anyone feelings yeah...cos im juz a normal young Muslimah with lots more to learn....syukran Jazakallah

Al-Fatihah

2004-07-29T23:36:00.000+08:00

Juz came back home from Masjid Al-Iman...Few Things need to be done....Need to review my karya before handing it in....And also proposal check on it once again before printing..or else am gonna waste paper & ink again...well wat else....dats the 2 most important things...other than dat is getting my 2nd site a new skin....

Tears were juz rolling down my eyes today....Subhanallah....YA Allah...Im full of sins in me...Oh Allah please forgive me....im not fit 4 ur paradise neither do i want to be in ur hell....for u are the Forgiver to us.....

Tomorrow i would be goin down to school again..Yesh ah!!I miss all my friends in school...jehehekhe...hmmm....got some stuffs to do wif Reno aka the Sonic..kehkehkhe

Read her blog...Btw i had not forgotten your birthday...& same to him too...never did i....& also heard dat u both wanna go Bintan..hmm...its a nice place though u wont regret if u go there...btw..do take care of urself...& im sori if i had never talk 2 u on MSN....

Weak....Juz Too Weak...

2004-07-28T21:46:00.000+08:00

For the last 2 days i had been goin out wif mum & Nisha....We had been getting stuffs for use for Haj...Hmm....i was really exhausted entertaining her...Yesterday we went to Jurong Point to get my Nokia phone repair....WEll it has been a bit faulty though...Sigh...My Baby is sick but now its OK!!!HURRAY!!!khekhek..Well the waiting to get it repair was one big kind of HELL!!!!Sigh...was sooo tired waiting for it wif my little cousin nonsense..kehkhe running about & me catching after her...kehkhe..yeah she is growing up..getting more hyperactive by days....

Today,we went to Geylang...To get some Jamu...Well been drinking Jamu for about a week....Yeah it taste awful but for the sake of health i need to drink it..khkehke Mum did say we youngsters need to haf dis...Its gonna be good for us....Well from Geylang wif its heavy rain,we took the train to go to Jurong Point once again to get my MOTOROLA C550 repair...Dat phone was bought by late Ninda(late Grandma) for me...
Well, so i thought of using it...Hmm...so wen to repair it....Den, now i could jolly well used it...YEhha!!!Gerek...Nah here is some pics to go wif it..Enjoy.....

Me & Nisha In the cab...

Dats my cousin..isnt she cute...

Testing out...

Like dis...

Well yesterday nite i was chatting wif someone...My god-sis...I know wat she was trying to tell me...Kak,tanks a lot for your concern...Maybe im jus too much thoughts in me.....Kak,wat u say i would always remember....

A Reminder For You & Me...

2004-07-26T18:42:00.000+08:00

Once again,thank you....For once i read her blog...YEah maybe im just soooo concern about her....Never to think about my own life...Sometimes im not sure how i should put things in life or maybe words....wats deep in my heart i do wanna let go but it seems to be the wrong one out...I care for u like my sister..Yeah true enough ur words could be provoking enuff to me...I hurt myself & i hurt others around me especially you....you whom once i was close to but now drifting away....

I remember all the good tyme i had wif you....The tyme where we went to WestMall to get a pair of colour lenses,hanging out at Long John Silver @ Lot 1...Those were all the good tyme....Oh yesh the tyme where you took the iniciative to meet me in the wee hours of the nite...

You & him told me dat im stubborn & wont even listen to wat you haf to say....& he ask u to let the case rest there....I guess what he say is true...You ought to rest the case there....stop being concern about me & worrying too much about me....Let me put it clear...Im not trying to be strong headed neither be floating on my nightmares & dreams....Neither did i ever had any Niat to take him away from you....I did ask pious people about the dreams dat i had told you...& my current situation in dis case...YEah as u told me if the dream keep goin on for 3 odd days,it might just come true & saying abt my situation,i did wat had been told by them....Pray dat your Hubungan would go on forever & never to break halfway...& even if it had to,never it had been because of me...MAsya-ALLAH....

If you tink dat im stubborn,den you are wrong...I was never stubborn...I was juz trying to be alone for the tyme being before fully accepting about you, me & him....NOw.....let the case rest here....Between you & me, we r still frends....& saudara in islam....FYI,my Dear² is gone...gone wif the wind....& to him,thanks for dat well wished...All i hope for frm you is dat,pray for my health so as to fufill my duty as a Muslim....

Thank You...

2004-07-25T19:19:00.000+08:00

Thank You to dat someone whom had sms me to wish me the best...well because of what had happened,he left me...Nvm...forget abt it nevertheless just wanna say a zillion thanks for remembering me...Would be goin for my medical appt tomorrow...Sigh im real tired of medication....Sick of it...Y cant just God take me away...

Wats Wrong??

2004-07-25T10:00:00.000+08:00

Slept late..ard 3 in the morning.was waiting for my hair to be dry..i had dye my hair...juz for the fun of it..Wanted to talk 2 Dear².but he was bz...I couldnt sleep...did my nite prayers....Trying to keep my mind calm of wat is happening...

Woke up as usual...5 in the morning...Sms Dear²...told him of wat had happened...He gave me such a sweet reply..den why not u go to him....wats wrong???dont u get me dear²???Yesh its true i love him but i cant..i haf u now in my heart...to my surprise u told me dat you too are in love wif someone else...Wen i read dat,it pull me down...Tears once again play in my eyes....OH God!!!Why muz u do dis 2 me....I had to pull thru cos im not dat well....

DEar²,i would love no matter wat...but if u really need to hurt me once again pls do so now...I wont want 2 place any hope on love anymore....Its torturing me....Once you gave me hope...shone the way dat was dark in my path...you understand my life & my feelings....you were there to be my pillars...to be hold & grab on....But once again you are gonna hurt me....IF dat is so,im speechless.....

Im leaving for Malacca for treatment...LEaving Singapore might be the best thing 2 do....*Sigh*.......

Me??Attitude Change??

2004-07-25T00:15:00.000+08:00

TO dat someone who know who she is....

I maybe someone who keep things to myself...My dear came to me & save my life...True...He left me wen i need him to be wif him....Never easy 4 me to bring myself up & trust guys....Co-currently my dear gave me hope...True i did told my dear dat i still love someone else deep in me..He understand me...Eventhought dat the one dat i use to love NEVER love me,i still love him cos he make me realise things in me...& for wat we had done together...

Decisive in our friendship??Say dat if u want to...But for now....I need to be on my own...Building up my self-morale once again...Nightmares..yesh!!!FRom bottom of my heart...Its still haunting me eventhough i haf my dear wif me....Dream...It was never a dream....Every now & then,im always hoping the bets for you...

Like you say my friend,let us start afresh...Dont you worry about me...Yesh I had grown up 2 be wat i am now...Not wat people think i am...& yesh...In msn....you are still my friend....eventhough i had deleted you to forget about you...I guess by accepting my dear now i would be able to forget abt him...dats the best...

Sorry my fren if ever i had hurt u through our friendship...Remember dat im always here for you...

Hey A New Born Baby....

2004-07-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

Today it was raining dat heavy since morning..Yeah was soo liat to be awake from my bed...I had my bath den prayers.....Tidy up the house....As told in advance im going to follow Mum to Masjid Al-Khair for a morning excercise...khekhek..well was tellin her nicely dat its raining and they are not goin to haf any workout today but she insist on goin...so tag along wif her wif my trackpants and my long t-shirt wif my sports shoe....Gosh...It was really raining dat heavy though...My new trackpants and sports shoes were all drenched & wet....Oh NO!!!!Terrible....
Well i had Lontong today in the morning...Saw dis one guy who was sitting across me...Keep on smiling @ me...Thought he was an idiotic guy..Well juz smile back @ him...Act of courtesy..kehhekhek....

Reached home around 1030hrs..Well had a splinting headache..donno why all of a sudden..Frankly i had been eating Jamu...Well for the sake of my health...The last few days i took it was ok..not sure why today wen i took it i vomitted all my food out....So teruk!!!& i keep on using the toilet...So terrible...Sigh.....Took panadol & Mum ask me to sleep first cos i had been having sleepless nite....Woke up around 1230hrs..Had my bath den get ready to go out again..khekhkeh....

Went to MAsjid Sultan...HAd a Forum today on the current hit issue of Cakar Harimau by Ustazah Siti NorBahyah Mohamad Well the topic was such a big issue....Wats Dat...
"Pengantin Lama,Pengantin Baru,
Cinta Segar, Kasih Tak Layu."

Other than her,along was also her husband,Ustaz Wan Akashah Wan A. Hamid. He was damn good too...Along with them none other than our own well known family consultant,Dr Noor Hakim Abdul Shukor.

If i were to summarise wat they had say its gonna be long here...Guess would not write dat entry now...Wen i had properly written down my scribble note den i would tag it here to share wif people here.kehkhekhe...

When to Mak Long house...She was not in but Nek Busu was there...My cousin Kak Lina has given birth to a baby girl.....HEr name is Norain Fatin ..Let me tag her pics here...

Dats her...Sound Asleep...

Woke her up from her sleep..See dat!!she is yawning..Wat a bad Aunt i Am..kehkhekeh

Dats My Nek Busu Holding Fatin......

Well reached home ard 2200hrs...*YAwn*M soo sleepy now..tomorrow having my Haj Class...& now m jus waiting for my hair to dry up...

Up Early In The Morning

2004-07-22T08:31:00.000+08:00

*YawN* Im soo sleepy but nevertheless....Im really early today..kehkwhkehk..yeah-yeah Ummi is askin me to go to the market..Been having sleepless night...kehke...yeah one more things...Im broke!!No cash in my pocket now...Sigh...So whoever wanna ask me out muz blanja me ah.kehkheke
Well guess dats all...

Sorry For Wat I Done...

2004-07-20T21:35:00.000+08:00

Dis is for dat someone whom had been close to me...

"I'm sorry if i hurt you....if i make u think im not worth a friend...I juz hope you would really understand my situation....After wat had happen between me & my ex, i was really down...Darkness was in my heart...Nothing could ever cheer me up....it has been nearly 2 years & still he has been in my heart eventhough i did try means n way trying 2 deceive those around me....It seems to no avail....

When you happily told me dat you are getting engaged,my heart was wrench but nevertheless,im happy for you cos you had obtain wat you need in your life...you haf your strength & your pillar wif you...upon dat,i live day by day praying for your happiness...No one seems to be able to replace him in my heart....My night end wif me on my sejadah praying n shedding tears....Doa for HE would let me forget abt him totally.....

Dreams had been haunting me...too much about you both....y???I do hope whatever i had told you,it would be a guidance for you eventhough you gave me some confidance...I do not want the good of it to happen...To me,you guys are meant to be together....

Im gonna be allrite...I love the way i am now...Nothing is more important....I haf the love of ALLAH n happiness dat HE would determine for me....dat is wat all i could wish for...nothing more than dat...& i doa for your happines...thank you my fren....do take care...."

I do hope dat she would know who she is....

Wat A Small World....

2004-07-20T20:43:00.000+08:00

Went To Geylang today wif Mum & Nisha....Change Nisha Baju Kurung...Gosh days goes by she is growing kehkeh....It was raining quite ehavily today..Met Cikgu Salbiah..Well she didnt recognise me initally but i just tegur her...She say dat i had changed...Its obviously lah!!khekhe How old am i now...20 years of age liao... obviously i look different sey....

Jet sms me today..khehke now she is getting on well wif Fir(BOncit Cousin)...jheheke well im hapie for her...hope it would turn good for the both of them....

A Picture Tells A Thousand Words....

2004-07-19T15:49:00.000+08:00

I was browsing thru my old albums when i came across lots of pictures dat make me recall of all the interesting memories dat i had.....Well here are some of them.....

DAts me wif my uncle & cousin Wif mum from Australia....

Dis R My Frens Frm MYP....Taken After Our Breakfast During Ramdhan Project...

During one of my KCR hike to Bt Timah....

And one of the most memorable one is obviously the Prom Nite....Isnt it nice.....Dats me & Zulaikha...

Indeed a picture could tell a thousand words....Lots of my happy memory are store right up in my head....Wish dat i could enjoy dat tyme together wif my Gerek2 frends again.....

Too Tired...

2004-07-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

I woke up early in the morning as usual for prayers...LEft home for Masjid Al-Khair....They are having a muslimah weeks thus jus drop by..Meet a few people i knew...Hmm...rush home for My haj Class...Was REally tired actually...Pull myself thru the classes den thought of leaving & meet Reno,Dee & Seng Teck @ City Hall....

Ustazah Habibah asked me to stay back...Told me dat there is a talk later..Hm ummi was for it so i just go on wif it..sms Reno & Dee dat i would be late...left her house ard 1630hrs....Took a Cab frm there to meet them...cost me $13.20....weeh...Ask dad for $30.00 $20 was meant for me 2 top up my ez-link...sigh...its really terrible to use the Adult Ez-link though...really so sour..kehkheke

Meet them ard 1730hr i guess....kehkhek...had my lunch cum dinner @ BK....headed for Esplanade Library....did some werk left ard 1930hrs.....

Finally Its Up...

2004-07-18T00:26:00.000+08:00

Look People...My New Layout..
Isnt it just nice like me..ekhekhek...new pics new colours n new style!!!yeeeHaa!!!
Btw wont be saying much...gd nite...

Finally A New Layout..Almost Complete..

2004-07-17T10:00:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah a new layout is here eventhough its not completely done..jehhe
Thanks to Dee for requesting dat colour..ekhekhe purple....dont really like the color though...
Guess would update later..need a good rest...

Im Sorry To hurt U..

2004-07-15T06:52:00.000+08:00

I never had the thought of hurting your feelings neither did i ever thought of letting go of you as a best friend eventhough you had know why i was in such a erotic states when things were back there then for us...
Im leaving you...for good...& im sorry if you tink im rude...by blocking you from my MSN....As i told you before,i just love him too much...& till the present time im still having the same dream over & over again....Once again i got to pick up every single little pieces from the fall...

To me you r indeed a special friend...if ever i would not b able 2 see you,i seek ur forguveness...

Tired....

2004-07-14T22:24:00.000+08:00

Been busy today...didnt really haf a gd rest though...rite now im lookin for a new skins for my blog though... well im not gonna werk on a new one yet...cos im still searching for my Dreamweaver CD...get agitated wen i cant get it though...rite now.... my eyes r soo sleepy...*yawn*....got a few cuts frm carrying the furniture around....

I Am Who I AM......

2004-07-12T21:17:00.000+08:00

It has been nearly 2 months since i left school & lazing around @ home doing nothing...
Basically daily routine would be almost the same...But alhamdulillah since dat day my sis brought the kuih dat i had make to work,her friends had been ordering frm me...Well...alhamdulillah do haf my income though nevertheless...

Results had been released n i had make it thru Alhamdulillah..So had been surfing and browsing the newspaper for relevant and interesting courses dat i could take next yr...There r lots of choices to choose from..got myself so blur juz like a sotong...

Hmm.....had a few courses in mind though....

Well i had been goin regularly for my Haj Classes....Subhanallah...When the tyme is so near,my heart haf been crying looking for wat ALLAH has been giving me all dis while....

Guess pen off here 1st...

Back From Malacca

2004-06-12T20:29:00.000+08:00

For almost two weeks,i was in Malacca in my homeland...well was actually having a feast for my late grandma....many things happen and lots had been learnt......

Human are made up of different characteristics..be it bad or good...Well as the saying goes looks can be deceiving....After the feast,well,so called had a family meeting between my families.....hmmm,wat else???simply too much thought dat is hard to write......

Exams Are Over & Schools Are Over...

2004-05-26T21:43:00.000+08:00

2 years in ITE MacPherson was such a memorable days dat i cant ever forget in my whole life....I had develop a life da i know wta i am now....Exams are ok...Alhamdulillah...do hope dat i could score an A....

I really could not say wat i wanna say...im gonna miss everyone from ITE MacPherson.....

School Is Ending...

2004-05-24T19:19:00.000+08:00

Lots Of Memories are still freshed up in my head....lots of confusion i am facing on my own...without telling anyone a bit about it cos of i believe everyone has their own share of problems...

Exams are just 2 days away & with dis results it would determine my own future..my own capabilities all dis while...So far alhamdulillah...for dis last semester i had done and learn alot...about myself,friends and most importantly the skill of life....

Peers haf been great support to me especially my classmates frm MMT 2X 0207...thank u guys for being frens and i would treasure every moment dat we had 2gether for the past 2 yrs....Special thanks to Adibah for being my buddy for the last 2 yrs..Adibah,all dis yrs knowing you,i had thought dat there is no one in dis world whom could understand me but u prove me wrong by being my soley trusted fren.....Adibah,watever it is,u r still gonna b my fren...

Not forgetting my fellow God bro & sis.....Azhar,Zaidah,Ariff,Baiyi n so on.....Hey guys...thanks for being my support...btw dont despair yeah...

To a special fren, Reno,life has to go on....No matter wat we haf to let go ok...It easier say than done...but do u knwo dat i miss all of u.....

For Ariff,do get well...Akak pray for ur wellness...may wat we had dreamt of be a relaity yeah adik....Miss you.....

Im back!!

2004-05-05T14:51:00.000+08:00

"Happy birthyday to me,
happy birthday to me,
happy birthday to aisya,
happy birthday to me!!"

Hey!!Its my birthday today...& now alhamdulillah... i turn 20....20 yrs living in dis world...i had went thru a lot..but still i haf lots more to explore n learn abt the wonderful world of ALLAH SWT.....wishes haf been flooding my mailbox & SMS...alhamdulillah i do still haf frens who care abt me & remember abt me...Nazrul Dear,i know dat you are not celebrating my birthday for me...i know dat u r bz...& @ least u had told me dat u cant be wif me,...cos u cant take any leave....*sigh* i jus got to be patience...i know myself too well....my love for u haf grow...& im still goin to hold on....hold on my love for u...

All i wish for dis yr is dat im given the stregth to be continuing in life finding my way to grab the DEEN of ALLAH...i know i had too much sin in dis world...Ya ALLAH...the more im leaving dis place i call home Singapore for your holy land,too much test you are putting me at...but still im gonna survive..wif my pure endurance no matter war happen...

Nazrul dear,i juz wan our relationship to work out...but please do not give up.....you often say dat if only i m the rite one for u...dear,i knwo dat im not perfect n so is everyone on earth..but please dear,in watever u do,u need to haf dat mutual trust on each other...if there is no tyrust plus our communication,it would never happen.....

(Enuff talking abt me ...lets talk abt general yeah..kehkhek.....wat m i blabbering abt)

alhamdulillah im happy for Dee...finally she decided to accept someone in her life...my dear fren,i love you so much..n u know rite i cant afford to loose you..but im happy dat u had find your happiness...& i will always pray for u get ur true love....

I Would Love You No Matter...

2004-04-28T11:10:00.000+08:00

Ninda,eventhough you are no more in this world,(kwn2 marilah kita sama2 menyedekahkan Al-Fatihah untuk Hajjah Fatimah Cek Ngah.semoga rohnya di sisi org2 yg beriman)i would love you no matter wat...Ninda,you are the one who had brought me up in dis world....Ninda,you thought me how to be a young and graceful lady...though i still remember how hard you and mum tried to get me into a madrasah..many critics were thrown to me juz because i was slow n i cant even recite the Al-Fatihah properly but still you n mum never gave up hope on me...Eventhough in the end i was send to a circullar school,u never gave up in me...u n mum send me to Quranic classes,religous classes n lots of enhancement dat had been done to me which mould up my self-disciplinary in me.......

Im Coping On Wif My Life...

2004-04-20T10:43:00.000+08:00

Problems after problems....datelines after datelines..Projects after projects....sigh...my mind is drying up....my body is getting weaker....Oh GOD!!!Why are u giving me such a harsh lifetime now??!!!Oh GOD!!!Im weak..n i cant cope wif it...Please oh GOD!!HElp me in dis...Help me solve dis one by one....

Wat had happened to my whole family make me realise the real true meaning of bondship,relationship & being able to care for ur family...Mum had been crying over lots of matter..uptime i had told her..."Ummi please dont cry its bad for ur health...crying is not the way out.."Sometimes,i do feel like crying too but i hold it back cos i haf to be strong...& for the past few weeks,i had been goin thru n fro Malacca..visiting my grandma..even the doctor there could no longer do anything to her...Thus she had went for a traditional medication..it cost a big sum of money... RM $3,000.00. Isnt dat much???My stay in Malacca was jus to cheer her up....Helping her thru DOA dat she asked me to help her wif.....

Be back soon

im home...

2004-04-06T16:47:00.000+08:00

i was juz trying to upload my pics for my PJT sigh....donno wat happen its not yet in my yahoo me...haiya got so freak out lor...need to do it but now cannot...sian ah...

Doin My Search On Bikini Gerls...

2004-04-06T12:07:00.000+08:00

kehkhe..Believe it or not im require to do the search on models wearing bikini..kehkeh haiya so malu...got 2 do dis...but wat can i say its the project requirement...got to be thick skin in order to finish up my projects wif my team mates..kjehehke..allright wld add more once im home

Im still Searching For The Deen Of ALLAH

2004-03-31T15:07:00.000+08:00

Hey!!Im back now blogging wif a new inspirational view of myself,life n therefore after....Weeh..Alhamdulillah for nearly a month i had been avoiding myself from blogging...there r lots to be tell....from my personal life to my own school life...

School life has been rather stressful for me...but still im learning n trying my best 2 take the stress as a positive site in life..we got to make it look healthy 2 us...simply cant take stress 2 b a negative aspect in life..dont ya all agree wif me???
watever happens in life,we got to be positive abt it as it has always something meaningful for us..GOD gave us brain to think....n Also we need 2 Remember as Human we cant always say dat we are GIVING UP!!If we ever say dat,den tink again....haf ever GOD GIVE up hope on us???GOD haS never ever gave up any hope...all dis while in life,GOD has always wanted 2 test us in every aspects of our life...if we ever turn back 2 HIM ever for help...

Investiture is around the corner.....alhamdulillah it seems dat time is really flying by dat fast.. n for the past few days i had been thinking n talking to staffs in school...& one of them is Mr Chris Wong...was telling him of my GPA n stuffs...well he was tellling me..."Ais,you need to tell yourself to get all As' in order to go Polytechnic...& u need to work hard for it...."Went abck home thinking & i guess wat he say is true...i need to work for it....im never gonna say dat im giving up on anything...eventhough im not goin poly still i need to work for it..

Projects has been piling up...& most of it is gonna be hatic ah....soon due in the end of april n early may...Oh GOD!!!DAVT & DVP are left with video editing...n wat had happened to my Solar System for CPG..kehkehke its so easy yet i had not finish doin it..slow ah you aisya..kehkehkehkeh...yeah2 no matter wat i had set a deadline....end of April muz finish so can review it before handing it 2 teacher...kehkekhkhk

My Haj classes every sunday has resume it lesson...2 weeks ago,Mum had given Ustaz to register my name for Haj dis yr...alhamdulillah....I thank ALLAH for giving me & my family the opportunity to do Haj together...Well,but during all dis classes,i had realise the mistakes dat i had done in life...Astaugfirallah.....im so small in dis world of yours oh GOD....

Oh yesh...my love....hmm im not sure...im still seeking high n low for the right one...yesh its true im in love..in love wif a Hamba ALLAH of which we r unsure....but all i really need frm him is not to delay the good deed if he really love me...

Well guess wld blog again 2nite...im in school now...

Im on Hiatus...

2004-03-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

Bloggers,please be made known dat im on HIATUS...maybe for a short period maybe forever...May ALLAH Bestow My Life Wif Faith @ HIM..To Anyone who wanna grab hold of me,emai me yeah...or call me...

Im Always Who I Am & I Am No One Else..

2004-03-09T09:02:00.000+08:00

hmmmm..tank brother dannie for talkin to me the last few days,...& yesh watecver comment u had told me i take it as a positive remark yeah,.....

monday was a so called free & easy day...ended school @ 1130hrs..but since it was raining dat heavy i had decided to stay back in school wif Dee...decided to go to Causeway Point..ekhkehe donno wat strike the both of us lore...but the whole ironical of the story is dat we ended up in Sis Ayu house!!kehkehkh & yesh sis tanks for the food...didnt i tell you it was for a 10 person meal??!!!kehkehkehkhekhk....Well stayed over her house till quite late...cos it was raining dat heavy ha....sigh....btw as the saying goes...."Hujan itu anugerah ALLAH"(Rain is the blessing from GOD)...YEah agree wif it...wish dat i could played in the rain but Dee was against me kehke...yeah yeah..scared me get sick in the rain again is it..kehkhek.Alhamdulillah im fortunate to haf a fren like her...who care so much about you..sekbjeghjehjk....

Sent her home first together wif Sis Ayu & Baby since she need to take the bus..den took the MRT home...ekhkehkeh...hmmm would upload the pic soon yeah.....Wat else....hmmmm investiture....goin to happen soon...*sob sob*..Donno why all of a sudden im feeling sad & heart wrench to leave school cos i know once im done wif ITE MACPHERSON,im gonna haf a vacation....& yesh im gonna miss someone...& dat is Dee..but no matter wat i do hope dat we would still keep in touch n meet each other yeah...

Went back home..bath & pray & went to surf the net..kehkeh....yeah downloaded my pic from the dgcam...den conference wif Sis Ayu using dat dgcam as a webcam...gerek!!khekehkeh..& yes all dis while i tell people dat i don haf a webcam...ekhklewhklwjhjkwehqk..all right end off now...

Tears Shed Off My Eyes...

2004-03-07T16:32:00.000+08:00

LAdies & GEntlemen,Boys & Girls...it has been kinda like a looong time since i last shed any tears.....GOSH!!!!Why m i in dis kind of way...

Went for a youth seminar @ As-Syakirin Mosque.....Sis Reena,thanks for asking me to go for the course...indeed it was enriching enuff & lots haf been learnt to me....& insya-allah i would keep it to myself till the time come....Went to JP after the seminar...Bought some stuffs till my HP beeps....Well it was frm sweety Ducky...she told me dat she was getting engaged..& up in my mind..wat the hell is happening???sigh...called her up cos too lazy to sms lor...den she told me in detail abt the stories...allright call her once im home....& call Subri too...*sigh*....
"Oh GOD!!!Please give them the best of Guidance in life for their love is as pure of love of ADAM & HAWA"
Friends,im here for you....& im happy now dat you guys are now engaged....but remember dis....
(Sorry,am goin to write in Malay)

1)Apabila kita sudah bertunang itu bukanlah masa untuk bergurau senda malah haruslah kita mengeratkan silaturahim bersama kedua-dua belah keluarga....
2)Di dalam waktu pertunangan itu juga bukan bererti diri ini boleh dimiliki segala-galanya...
3)Dalam waktu pertunangan itu ibarat perjanjian perkahwinan..di mana kedua-dua belah pihak hendaklah tidak menerima pinangan orang-orang lain kecuali perkara-perkara yang mungkin memudaratkan diri sendiri seperti contoh di antara satu berpenyakit ataupun mempunyai sikap yang berang.....
4)Pertunangan itu merupakan masa untuk memahami adanya peningkatan tanggungjawab dan kewajiban kepada semua ahli keluarga.
5) Di dalam waktu bertunang itu juga,bukanlah bererti kita sudah bebas melakukan apa-apa sahaja...seperti berdua-duaan,berpeluk-pelukan dan sebagainya...Seperti apa yg dikatakan HADITH NABI SAW....
"Barangsiapa beriman kepada ALLAH dan hari kemudian maka janganlah sekali kali menyendiri dengan
seorang perempuan yang tidak disertai mahramnya,sebab nanti yg jadi org ketiga adalah syaitan."
Itu adalah sedikit sebanyak mengenai sepasang kekasih yangs edang hangat bercinta ataupuns edang bertunang...Marilah kita lihat sifat-sifat yang harus dipertikaikan ketika memilih sepasang pasangan hidup...

1)Pililah seseorang wanita itu bukan kerana hartanya ataupun rupanya tetapi kerana hatinya terhadap agamanya....
2)Perempuan yang baik adalah mereka yang dapat mengawal hawa nafsunya dan juga menjauhka diri ini daripada maksiat.
3)BEgitu juga dengan lelaki...seorang lelaki yang baik adalah mereka yang dapat mengawal hawa nafsunya dan juga menjauhkan diri ini daripada maksiat.
4)Janganlah engkau kahwini seseorang wanita itu kerana kecantikannya kerana kecantikannya itu dapat memusnahkanmu.
5)Janganlah engkau kahwini seseorang wanita itu kerana kekayaannya kerana kekayaannya itu membuatnya menjadi derhaka.
6)Kahwinilah wanita itu kerana agamanya kerana agama itulah yang lebih baik daripada segala-galanya....

Katanya Nabi waktu ketika dahulu apabila ditanyakan tentang wanita...."Maka jahilah olehmu si cantik yang beracun."Tanya sahabat Nabi,"Siapakah perempuan yang beracun?"Jawab Nabi,"Perempuan yang beracun adalah yang cantik tapi dilingkungkang di dalam orang yang jahat."
7)Pilihlah seorang wanita/lelaki yang padanya mempunyai unsur-unsur yang hendak bertaubat.
8)4 ciri yang ada di dalam wanita beriman adalah:
-Bertaqwa kepada ALLAH
-Bahwa tiada wanita yang lebih jujur daripada Zainah r.anha
-Lebih banyak menyambungkan silaturahim antara saudara.
-Lebih banyak memberi sedekah.
Hadith Riwayat Aisyah r.anha:
"Aku dapati tiada wanita yang sebaik aku kecuali zainab."
9)2 ciri yang ada di dalam lelaki yang beriman adalah:
-Kuat iaitu imannya,akalnya dan jasadnya.
-"AMIN" iaitu amanah di mana dia harus bertanggungjawab atas tanggunggannya.
10)Maka wajiblah si suami itu mencarikan isterinya kelas-kelas agama sekiranya diri mereka itu tidak melakukannya sendiri....

Well dats all bloggers......so do take care yeah

Home Doing My VCD,...

2004-03-05T18:19:00.000+08:00

Didnt went to school today...Firstly,was so sleepy dat i had overshot my own sleeping time....secondly,stomachache...gosh donno wat happen...maybe dis is the cause of not eating well the last few days...sigh...n yeah frankly had not been eating rice also..been like fastfood....& yeah my medictaion wise is runnig low...FUCK Man!!Dat would mean i haf to go n see the doctor again...sigh...now im really broke...sigh...maybe next month would go n get it lor...

Went to meet Sis Reena..she was was meeting one of her anakmelayu fren...ekhekhke Sis Ayu...& her little sister....Cant remember her name but so called Baby i guess....Sigh...Sis,you dont even remember my age??!!Im sad you know....khkhkhk....takperlah....khkhk.....they were a bunch of funky babes.....would update agaon...

MMD Lesson Now...

2004-03-04T17:31:00.000+08:00

Was doing my MMD project..Mr Irwan wanted the Prototype to be handed over to him by today..Frankly,i had left my master copy @ home.thus i had to start from scratch..DAMN it!!Its like hell...I hate doing it...Ideas were there,...but he wants it 2 be simple...sigh...never mind...fall asleep while having DVP lesson...Had a bad headache...look!!Dats the bloody cause of you for not having enuff sleep...waking up early in the morning den coming abck home late...YEah i had been using my eye liner lately...to avoid people frm noticing my dark ring under my eyes...Gosh...i had been revising my work lately...got to keep up the progress...i cant slack no more...Yeah...continuing frm dat guy...Frankly,im not sure whether we r together or not...Im too scared to fall in love again....but WHY!???Why are u scared aisya??!?!!!!I donno...

M having a investiture meeting later...My body feel so draggy now...tired,sicky & all in one!!!Hey!!!My body metabolisme has been so low!!!FUCK!!!I donnolah!!!!!Would blog again tonite..insya-allah...

R u The One??

2004-03-04T10:38:00.000+08:00

CPG..Computer Graphic Design..sigh m no mood to do any designing today...Ms Ivy told us to get out project done...but wat m i doin...updating my blogs...listening to the song..Invisible...dats the song we are choosing as a team for DVAT...Digital Video Audio Technology...Hai...frankly im getting tired abt things happening around me...Im saying dat i cant simply be bother wif it but frankly i m bother wif it because im tinking too much & im getting tired....Tried means & way.I pray,sleep,read & even write to get rid of it off my mind...but still i kept tinking abt it...Aisya cant u jus knock some sense into yourself...eventhough how angry you are wif people dat are GOONS to you,there is no need for u to vent your anger to others...especially to those who care for you...Yeah once again my sis was damn inconsiderate...What does she think??She is the only one late for work??!!& how abt me??M always late for school..jus because im always the one cleaning up the room...Im tired...YOu know dat?!?!My head feel like exploding...even now in CPG class,im having a bad headache...& i didnt took my medication dis morning again...sigh....been forgetting to eat my medicine frequently..

Know dis guy...He should not be name..Well let say his name is Ali...been talking to him almost everyday....donno lor...why he say he likes me...Im still wondering...But im lucky enuff dat i was straight forward 2 him...i mean my health & stuffs....i was jus trying to be truthful in our friendship...I had learnt my lesson...I lost dat special someone whom is happy now wif my sweet fren partially i didnt tell him of my own illness....& i know he left me a week before i went for dat dead or alive operation...I survive eventhough operation not successful....I lost Firdaus cos he tinks dat im only tinking about marriage..but up in my head im tinking on how i should support my studies again....sigh.,......all i want is a sincere friendship....dat can last forever.....

Ok i guess gtg now...my head is spinning like hell....Gosh..gif me the strength to carry on for the day

Home After A Hard Day In School..

2004-03-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

M connected to dis interesting website...Paranormal website...Veiw it guys...btw had a tough day in school...MMD test is over now..Alhamdulillah....It was ok ah..cos i did study for it though...kejhhekhek do hope i would pass it.(Keeping my fingers cross though) Den had 2 hours of break...wen to Haig Rd(S11) to haf our lucnh...For me,it was dinner,breakfast & lunch...jehhehe..didnt ate anything dat much for the nite before..had not been eating rice & had been eating fast foods for the past few days....

Had DAVT lesson after dat..errgh...had to do a story borad & a scripts & it is needed to be handed over by next week...Everything is ok now..its now wif Irmin.Irmin was just asking me wen r we gonna do the DVP project...im ok wif anything but hwo abt the rest???kehkhek i donno abt them liao...Im really tired to think much ah....

After dat,wen to SRC....haiya just wanna relax for a while...& waited for it 2 close shop...khekhe...den the guys were playing soccer....Well,frankly i wasnt inform of the meeting..Well,i know im being left out..N Shafri had never told me abt dis...but still i went for the meeting cos i CARE for them...& i want them to know dat WE the Seniors care a lot for them...& we want them to do the BEST.....well guys,im sorry i had no intention to be rude to any of you..& if i did ever shout to you,im just trying to wake you up from your dream!!!!You got to be realistic in dis world my dearests frends....kehkhekhe Well dont worry we would be here for you but we are not gonna spoon fed you entirely....

Im really tired now...Think gonna sleep soon......

Back Home After Whole DAy In School..

2004-03-02T23:18:00.000+08:00

Weeh..today class ended @ 1230hrs....Den headed for SRC since i would be meeting Syed Harun @16000hrs..He was late but its ok..had my lunch ah....while wiating for him,browse thru the magazine dat im suppose to scan the pics.....Hmmm....discuss abt the Risalah....finally we had make it possible wif fresh new ideas......

Waited for Azhar..Accompany him to Sim Lim Square & change for a new motehrboard..had it tested over before proceeding home...Wen round sim lim...Sigh....saw new phones n new stuffs...Weehh eyeing to buy a new PDA ah...$1189....weehhhhh isnt teh price a some of money.....kehkehkehkhe never mind gonna wprk hard for it....It was raining though...drizzle...ran frm the mrt to sim lim square...kehkehkhe imagine me running???ehkehkekhe

Met Sis Reena @ Plaza Singapura...She was supposedly to pass me the ticket for dis Saturday workshop @ Masjid As-syakirin...She wants me to go for it...She say it would be good for me...Then,she wanted to haf dinner @ KFC...sigh..im still full but if i dont eat,she would be angry wif me..thus try 2 stuff myself wif the food dat she bought..kehkehkhe..Wat else...den,she bought for me a bread..well donno wat it is called..but it look like the figure 8...jhjejegjge..She was telling me about Firdaus...Den i was just telling her,Kak,im tired ah to tink abt dis....If he doesnt love me,never mind...just let it be...im gonna be ok & well..im gonna survive....kehkehkhek...Yeah & i know he has a new one...jsut dat my heart is saying dat....So if really he has a new gerl,all the best Dear....

In school Feeling Freaky!!!

2004-03-02T09:43:00.000+08:00

Im in school now....Sucks Man!!!My sis has been so intolerable nowadays.....Demanding bitch i wld say.....Ask me to do dis & dat...& always accumalative of wat she had done for me...Wat A Big Time Fucker She Could Be Nowadays!!Does she think she is the only one tired after a hard day at work!!1& how about me...As a student,im busy & tight down wif all my projects...& does she ever care about wat m i doin..Or did she ask me how was my day in school..NO!!!Never!!N Ummi why are you always nagging @ me???Did i ever did something wrong????Why did u keep scolding me???Is it wrong to use the pic till night???Whereby i need to do all my research to make sure dat i pass & @ least make it somewhere...Sigh...i just hate my sis so much.....Nowadays,even if she were to wake up early in the morning,she would never tidy up the room...In the end,i would do it & dats one stupid factor dat cause me to be late for me..It would make no different of who is the one to be up early frm bed....Yeah,i remembered,all dis while,i had never asked her to wash my clothes....But she keep on saying dat yeah all dis while she is doin it for me...FUCK!!!U shut up!!!I should say dat to you BITCH!!!You dont even bother about your dirty clothes in the room...Im the one who is trying to keep the room Tidy & Clean..N how abt you>??!!You mess up my desktop,throw around your clothes,dump your clothes in the toilet jus like hell & always littering the room wif junks....Jus wat the hell do u think i m???!!!!Your slave!!??No BITCH!!! Im born in dis world never to be a slave to any humans.....Even to Abah & Ummi...But only to ALLAH SWT....

Waiting For You....

2004-03-01T21:46:00.000+08:00

My Earing Aid - Waiting For You(Bryan Adam)

Im not sure who am i waiting for..& is there a need for me to wait for anyone...Only GOD knows who...Today school started off @ 0900hrs..Woke up ard 0730 hrs...Rush for school...Did not iron yet my uniformn & school pants thus used my cargo pants & PE tshirt...Left home ard 0830hrs & i took the cab AGAIN!!!Gosh for the past weeks,it seems dat cab has been more of my transportation...Sigh...Wat can i say..had been too tired out...donno ah...nowadays im easily feeling tired out....Feel wore out much2 faster...Oh GOD!!Is dis ur one of test for me again?Please GOD gave me stregth & health to move on in dis life...If you really wanna take me,do so when im done clearing my life which is full of sin.....OH GOD!!!Im weak in dis life of urs...

Today discussion was on DVP...Its Digital Video Production...Our Project....."Love Animals As You Love Yourself"...Well,kinda not sure why all of the black MOON i suggested to my team members dat we had touch on dis topic... Maybe animal abuse has been a part & parcel of human life dat i had affectinately feelings for them...I wonder if ever dis pple had ever think before torturing the animals...Jus visualise if dat is ur children....wont you be hurt???Well as the saying goes...Animal is human best frens...& yesh now..I do have a pet of my own...its a small turtle dat haf a long neck & which like to bite people....khekhe..

Yesterday,had KCR meeting.DAmn i was late..but still i did turn up...I had important things 2 do..Well,yesterday meeting seems to be more on like LEADERSHIP....sigh.....As wat Abg Tham,its true & very logical....kehke..wll wont wanna drag much...

BAck Wif Pics,Notes OF Meeting 2 Be types....

2004-02-28T22:00:00.000+08:00

Yeeha!!!Back online wif new pics...so guys!!wanna view the pics...click on the above yeah!!!M jus too tired 2 updates thingss..or just click HerE

Gd Morning!!

2004-02-28T06:56:00.000+08:00

Helo everyone!Morning to fellow bloggers!!M up early in the morning....Leaving for school soon..Yeah had not had my bath yet..khekhe....*yawn*....Im damn sleepy..had been goin back frm school late & knocking off to bed late @ nite...Den wake up early the next morning & go to school.Sigh..dat has been my regular routine now...M really tired....n Im tired of facing the PC everyday...Now & then,my migrane has been striking me like hell!!!Yeah,having a SC General MEeting kicking off @ 0990hrs...& wat the hell m i doin here??!!Juz updating you fellow bloggers on me.....
Guess need to haf my bathe now...get myself ready,take my medication haf a quick breakfast & grab my bag to school......bye everyone!!Love all of you!!Enjjoy!!

Thank you For Being Wif Me...

2004-02-26T09:54:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah..thanks everione for being by my side all along..be it physically,mentally or virtually.Frens,family,sisters & brothers who haf often given me the moral & emotional support all dis while....Eventhough sometimes im just being crazy cos i could not think straight @ a point of time,I know dat i haf frens who really care for me....People namely my close buddyDee,thank you for all the help you haf given me all dis while...since we 1st know each other when we came into a point of life which i could say its a turning point for me..thank you my dear.....I would not know how my years in ite would be without havinga buddy close like you..& thinking dat we both would be leaving school soon & being apart frm u....*sob**sob* its undescriable.....Dee,you know wat i had gone through in life n u went thru it also....Eventhough you cant help me much wif my emotional,you are always there to let me cry on your shoulders & also to share all my life wif me...You know dat i had never had a fren close as you...let people say about us,lesbians & stuffs..I dont gif it a FUCK!!!All i care is dat u r a very special fren 2 me....till death do we part....

Secondly,to DuCkYthanks for spending time wif me & trying to comfort me wif love,care & concern...& yes dear,i would never forget all of dis...& i know dat there is nothing for you to worry abt me...life is good for me...whether im alive or not,remember dat i love you & care much abt u n FroGGy.....

To Brother Danniewho knows my character well,thank you for your words of care,love & concern & also all teh encouragement & most importantly always helping me to get my mind thinking of my future...

And most importantly to all my frends out there who are always around me,m really sorry for watever i had done.....& i do hope we would keep our friendship going on forever...

Giving a New TagBoard..

2004-02-24T21:52:00.000+08:00

Haf given my tagboard a new look..after veroweb had hang up mine...sigh..Was adjusting stuffs but in the end even my image for the background changes..hiaya......Very leceh..ejhkehkehje DuckY i need ur helpp.....

Back Again Blogging

2004-02-23T16:30:00.000+08:00

Yesh finally back online blogging after missing for a few days...trying to get a new servers for my pics....& all tanks to DuCky for getting me a new photo servers..Sayang Dier...kehke....Was telling her how freaky i was about my new hairdo dat she actually went to look for a new server for me...isnt she sweet???kehkhe.....

btw haf uploaded some of the pics but not all....M goin to upload all the pics yeeehaa!!!....especially the one wif me in my new straightened hair.....

Click here for more images

Was a bit down the last few days....Well people are getting on my nerves...Bills are shooting up!!Wat the hell!!!!And some guys do haf the nerve to provoke me....GUYS TAKE NOTE ON DIS!!!NOT ALL WOMEN COULD BE TOY & PLAY AROUND WIF...IF YOU WANT US TO UNDERSTAND,RESPECT & TRUST YOU,YOU HAF TO GAIN IT FROM US!!!JUST LIKE WAT I SAY,WE R FRAGILE ITEM......Been having headache again the last few days again....& its just making m more sick...Sigh...Miss my KCR meeting...Was injured wif blisters on my toes.....Went to school using sandals...After school proceed to Haig Rd to makan mee kuah....headed home taking 67.....Weehhh!!As usual!!overshot all the way down to CCK interchange...took the bus back home..n now editing my bloggy...

Didnt Wen To School..

2004-02-20T22:41:00.000+08:00

Sucks Man!!Didnt went to school again....Woke up in the morning...mum asked me to go somewhere wif her..Sms Dee ard 0850hr to tell her dat i jus woke up n m not goin to school...well..didnt know wat to tell her...Well initially thought wanna go school & gave the letter dat had been written for Ms Hoe..im really puzzle wif my ownself...im jus too weak n sickly lately...gosh its really a big test upon myself....lots of things to be written but am too sleepy now.....having SYH tomorrow...

Draggy & Sleepy..

2004-02-20T01:00:00.000+08:00

M damn sleepy now....end school @ 1800hrs..met Sis Rina @ Causeway Point..promise her 0930hrs but ended meeting her 15 minutes later..khekhek...went to look for a birthday gift for her gerl fren but ended up buying nothing....headed to Mcdonalds to grab some foods...she paid for me..Well frankly cant finish up my burger but force myself to do so...

She was tellin me about Firdaus...hai.....Sis,let it be...if he's happy wif another lady,its ok....im still haf to go on living in my life....preserve thru every obstacle wif braveness....im sick or wat,i would hold responsible for my ownself......M trying to get my background image....wif DucKy help.....think goin off to bed lor...cant take dis anymore...

Freaking it out now...

2004-02-19T14:37:00.000+08:00

Cant figure out wats wrong wif the url....everything seems to be rite but once save n trying to open up the image it seems dat i cant do dat..DaMN it!!!Freaking me out in school...SIGH...WAT AISYA!!!Even a small trial & error you cant resolve..wat about bigger problems!!!!Am in Desktop Video Production(DVP) class..Ms Nerdy explains to us wat our project is gonna be like...thus my group is gonna embark on a promotional items...still up 2 some thought....wanted to do a promo on condom when she had show it to us...there goes my originality again..kehkehkekh..

well would be blogging again tonite if m free

A New Layout...

2004-02-19T01:52:00.000+08:00

Am doin my new layout..seems 2 b some error...cant get the background i desire.....*sigh*..yeah actually am damn sleepy now lor...Today in school we did goodies bag packing for dis comin saturday Singapore Youth Hunt...did help out n haf gotten lots of paper cut..den went to class...dat stupid Irwan is cutting off our timing now...not more than 15 mins late..or else ABSENT!!!SUcks man!!!!Well,today Dilla brought wif her her cousin...so kiut!!n adorable too!!!jkhejhe took a pic wif him...kehkhe...sigh....donno why love little kids a lot...hope to haf one on my own...dats the pic..& yesh dats my new straighten up hair....

LEft home ard 715pm...supposed to meet Ducky...sms her wen i was @ City Hall & ask her to get ready..called her up once i was @ CCK..but she was not there..called her up..thought was calling her HP but instead her house ah1!khekhekhaiya!!been so careless now..she was still @ home...waited for 30 mins for her...hai u naught little gerl..make me wait for you..lucky for me never dozed off....went to get wat i wanted...had dinner @ LJS....wen back home..she sent me back home yeeeaaahhaa...well @ least i know she care for me...DONT YOU DUCKY??? :> well took my medication one i was home..cos my whole body is still trembling...still online now..off to bed soon....

New Hairdo..

2004-02-17T00:10:00.000+08:00

weeh..ended school @ 1138hrs..Went to SRC...saw the gerls dere..khkehe n they say.."Kak Ais how ready or not...." Well had requested Fifi to do a new hairdo for me,....hair straightenning.People keep saying dat its like rebodning ah...sucks man!!Well i did it...hmm...really love to look @ my new hairstyle now...But look like a SADAKO!!!Kehkehkheke...well its ok...Mum was nagging @ me ah...cos doing it...hmm she says dat ur hair look better wen it was curly...*sigh* NVM mum it would be curl back in a few months time...khekhkehkhe

Tired & Shaggy Now....Yawn

2004-02-16T09:58:00.000+08:00

Im in school now...early in the morning....sigh....wat a boring day..woke up late n left the house even without tidying up my room...Umi is gonna be mad @ me...well..but im jus too shagged...Yeah been busy wif lots of things...Saturday school...Sunday My cuz wedding..was over @ her house frm morning till night..Was her camerawoman n Videowoman....Gosh wat the heck!!Wif my high heel mind you...was runnig about like hell...well,my cuz,she look gorgeous...kehkehkhek well she's jsu 2 years my senior n she's now wat!!!MARRIED!!!YEsh ah!!N now there r only left the 4 of us...my sis,kak Zai,Kak ti & me...Again,as usual they say,"Who's gonna be the next one up there ha!!!!"Well i heard dat
kak ti is gonna be the next one coming up...yeeehaaa!!!Am really happy for her & abg Iswandi..they haf been goin on for years...Well,as cousinz all of us kept lots of secrets wif each other...some of which our parents do not know...i don mind dat...& me as the youngest among them,is held wif dat bigh responsiblities...But as for sure,i told them dis..."Angah takmo langkah bendul..biarlah yg tua nikah dulu"kehkehke...Well they say dat if u haf one in mine,go ahead....but not for me....im really in need of education..i would really love to study as far as i could...n look after my parents as how they took care of me...I know dats jus the typical mindset of Malays but im not sure...i jus wanna look after them...my heart had been shattered dat much..& i know there is only one person dat love me more...dats obviously the Almighty....Well,all i could say dat i leave it to HIM to give the best man in dis world for me..If there is none,i would rather remain a Spinster....
Oh yesh..Along wen back home before me...she logged on to the internet using my account..she wanted some pics in my files...thus she logged on to my MSN...alvin chatted wif her...Alvin thought dat it was me...Ask her to send alvin the files he wanted since its inside the diskette on my table...Well reach hme rather late...tired n shagged..upload some pics n edited it of kak ju wedding...but was just too tired..n it seems dat my eyes r now red!!Oh no!!Its swollen again..DAMN IT!!!Sigh why mus dis happen..one after another...Oh GOD!!Give me strength to endure all of dis in life...
Well now got to go back to my project..thinking about all the projects i haf to do,my head is exploding!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2004-02-14T23:27:00.000+08:00

Hey!Its Valentine's day..& yesh all the memories dat i had & which had happened on dis occassion..Well wat past is past...
Today i had to go to school..Had the Total Defence Day...Well thought dat its gonna be kinda exhibition thingy but wasnt..Well we were there n wat the heck!!!We need to show our appreciation to out Total Defence Day...*Sigh*Nvm....didnt do much actually ask the rest to do it lor..cos i wasnt @ the least mood to do anything..Cause i was yawning..khekhekhe i was so sleepy....Well well well....just carry on..left around 1 plus..wen to had lunch den wen to Fifi's house...one of the newbies house lor...Had nowhere to go....thus wen to her house..sing our heart out....& we had a free staightenning of hair...& wow !!that was my 1st time & knowing dat i had such a long hair..& they were saying to me...
"Kak Ais,panjangnya rambut u...Cantik sey...issh tambah lagi hidung u tuuuu mancungnya....."

kehke...yeah took some pictures before we leave the place....or her house lor....Well would post it up wen it is being developed....K off to bed now...

Thinking Of You...

2004-02-12T22:54:00.000+08:00

If ever i was given the opportunity to turn back the time,i would really like to know wat had i done wrong before...

Once again,Mum rise the question on you....Mum ask me...."Mcm mana kau dgn Firdaus? Dia tak call kau ker?"I was quiet for the moment...I just couldnt say anything out of it.....I knew dat its over for us...You gave me strength in trusting guys after wat dat BIG MOTHER FUCKER has done to me....you were my confidant & u were everything to me...u took care of me wen im sick...but now wen u r gone,gone frm me never to turn back to me,i haf to depend on my ownself,physically & mentaly to bring myself up...

Sis Rina,thanks for being there for me...thanks for sharing wif me your thoughts...you are a great sis....& sis dont worry abt me too much..i knwo dat you care abt me sis....n i m damn fortunate to meet u in dis life of mine....I LOVE YOU SIS!!!

I am starting school tomorrow...i do hope dat i would be well again..n never to think much abt wat kind of sickness m i under goin...YA ALLAH!!!Endure me in life...give me strength & courage wif my strong faith to you......

Switching Mode.....

2004-02-11T23:14:00.000+08:00

Well,as requested by most of my frends,starting frm today on words no more blogging in Malay...jkhekhe gonna blog in English....

As i had say, m still not well eventhough had been @ home for days..A day i went to school & was back to see the Wonderful Doctor again..Gosh,was given 2 days MC....yeah,as she say my appendix is getting worsen,if m not well in 2 days time,i need to be referred back to hospital & once again undergoing another bloody operation..GOSH!!I had enuff of goin to operation theather dat it had became part of my life....Nah!!*sigh*..hmmmmm.....watever it is,i need to be tough in life....

Well,i donno...Today Sis Rina fren called me up..yeah especially wif my sucky voice i answered him...hmm i cant remeber his name but he's like a Brother to me...thaNKS A LOT FOR YOUR ADVISE..Only Allah could pay you back!Well anione i cant be bothered abt wats happening to me now..wat m i concern now is my health.....& me doing well in studies...If ever anione were to came across my life n accepting me for who i m,dat would be wonderful...

Sunyi Tanpa Kehadiranmu Di Sisiku...

2004-02-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

Abang,sudah 2 malam aku tidak mendengar suaramu....Dan tanpa gurauan mesramu yang sentiasa menceriakan hariku...Abang,aku tabah menghadapi ini semua...Engkau sudah tidak lagi menggunakan telefonmu lagi..Aku masih terfikir apakah puncanya....

Aku amat merinduimu....Semalaman aku tidak dapat melenakan mataku...mengharapkan agar engkau akan menelefonku...aku cuba mengisi masaku berbual bersama teman-temanku yang lain...tetapi sayangnya...ada yang sibuk bertugaz ataupun sudah lena dibuai mimpi....Tidak apalah.,...aku mengambil buku dan teruskan membaca....Hanya sekitar dinihari mataku sudah mula layu...Selepas solat subuhku,aku terus melenakan mata ini buat seketika...Aku bangunn sekitar 0930 pagi..Wahduh kepalaku berpusing ligat...YA ALLAH!!! Kenapa ia begini....Kuatkanlah diriku ini YA ALLAH!!!!Aku berserah kepadaMu....

Abang,berapa lamakah harus aku mengharungi ini semua...Kenapa engkau prilakukan begini..Engkau sering mengatakan bahawa engkau sudah penat mencari seorang wanita yang benar-benar dapat memahami,menyayangi dan mencintaimu sebaik-baik mungkin baik duniawi dan ukhrawi....Abang,aku benar-benar memahami tugasmu sebagai seorang yang memikul tanggungjawab yang amat berat diamanahkan oleh Pemerintah kita ini...Dan aku benar-benar tidak kisah tentang ini semuer...

Kakak amat risau tentang kita berdua...tetapi aku terus bertabah..hanya aku berkata padanya..."Kak,biarlah masa yang menentukan segala-galanya.."

sungguhnya Ku Tiada Daya/...

2004-02-07T19:55:00.000+08:00

YA ALLAH!!!BAdan aku semakin lesu dan penat...fikiranku pula semakin penat!!PENAT memikirkan tentang dunia ini...Semakin berada di rumah semakin teruk sakitku ini...Adakah ini dugaan kepadaku ya ALLAH!!!BErikanlah aku kekuatan untuk terus berjuang di duniaMu yang fanak ini...
Walaupun sudah 2 hari tidak aku mendengar suaramu,aku tabah dengan segala-galanya....Aku tahu tugasmu itu adalah tanggunjawab yang amat berat sekali untukmu...aku faham itu semuer...Aku cuba menelefonmu tetapi aku terkejut sekali apabila mendapat tahu bahawa nombor itu tidak digunakan lagi.....Aku cuba memikirkan secara positif....Ya engkau belum langsaikan hp bill kau yang lalu sebab itu mereka terminate your line...tetapi kenapa tiada phonecall pun dari kau!!!!Engkau tidak bertanya khabar pun padaku...samada aku semakin sihat ataupun tidak...walaupun kau orgnya romantis,tidak semestinya kau tidak mengambil berat tentangmu..Adakah engkau juga ingin menjauhkan diri dariku seperti manusia-manusia yang lain di dunia ini yang aku sudah tidak percayai lagi.....

Layout Baru..

2004-02-07T14:29:00.000+08:00

Wohoho...@ last...dah decided to tukar the layout ah....ni punyer ader sikit feeling ah..Midsummer's Night Dream...CEritanya gerek...Now kat rumah ah...tgh relek ah....Pasal tak dpt pergi kem...sob sob....Well,actually jus need a new layout since dah lama juga ah tak dapat buat layout sendiri..maklumlah sekolah jer menelan masa yg banyak sekali...btw ni blm fully update ah

2004-01-30T10:30:00.000+08:00

Sekiranya aku mampu memutarkan jarum di dinding itu,alangkah indahnya...tetapi ALLAH itu maha Adil dan saksama...
Datangnya sesuatu penyakit itu adalah bagi menyedarkan kita akan diri kita yg lemah..sekali gus membersihkan dosa-dosa kita ini....

Aku tidak ke sekolah selama 2 hari....demam dan selsema....entahlah secara tiba-tiba aku berasa begitu lemah....penat sekali....sekarang ini jangka waktu yang amat kritikal buat diriku...projek sedang menantiku....SC pula pelbagai events coming up...wahduh letih sungguh aku dibuatnya..entahlah...aku pun dah letih ni nak tdo ah

2004-01-25T13:32:00.000+08:00

Semalam aku dapat Hp bill Singtel line aku..isssh.....teruk siak $103.50..wohowo...mcm mana aku nak bayar ni..dah tentu Abah marah aku...mesti Umi mengamuk kalau dier tahu...by hook or crook i haf to pay dta money...Den ni tak termasuk Starhub aku punya pula...sigh....Nvm....kalau aku terpaksa gadai barang2 kemas aku,tak apalah,....

I heard dat Bibik is moving to Malaysia...Entahlah...Cik Bo got a job offer there n he also dapat rumah tau!!Banglo u!!kehkhekeh well im ok wif it but one thing is dat im gonna miss my little cousin Nisha...*sob sob*...well biasalah dats the feeling..Ummi jaga dier dari kecik hinggalah sekarang..dan aku juga play a part in bringing her upp...n now ALHAMDULILLAH dah boleh kata ABC, 123 & Alif Ba Ta walaupun tak jelas sangat.....aku sygkan dier.....

Aku tak tahu...secara tiba-tiba hatiku rungsing dan bersedih..ingin sekali aku menangis...Yayi Jalil is goin back tomorrow so semalam petang after Dzuhur dia naik to my house wif Cik Aman...he did the final stage of my perubatan....YA ALLAH!!! Pedih sungguh....Yayi kasi aku serangkap bacaan yang ditulis dalam bahasa JAwi..n its Ayat Kursi...Insya-allah akan aku amalkan selalu...Yayi pesan kat aku agar banyak mengamalkan ayat kursi itu agar diri ini terhindar dari benda-benda halus.....

Btw to all my frends who knows dat im using 2 handphone numbers,please be inform dat im no more using dis number...91501542........

2004-01-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

Hidupnya kita di bumi ini hanya seketika...Haruslah tabah merempuhi segala ranjau yang berduri ini dengan penuh ketabhan dan keimanan kepada yang maha ESA..Aku berbual dengan Norman...the guy dat had went to Cambodia wif me...& i still remeber dat he actually took my camera & had a test run on it..Well loking @ him,bolehlah dikatakan yang bahawa dia ini seorang yang periang dan peramah..tetapi di sebalik wajah itu terlukis seribu kekata dan seribu makna...As the saying goes....Dont judge a book by its cover.....Let me see....where should i start wif....

After finalising all the new councilors to be in Student Council of ITE East MacPherson, a total of 56 new councilors are taken in.....WWOOWWOOO!!!!!!!!!!!N it was the biggest ever intake taken before...& adalah beberapa budak BPGHS Councilors who had apply to be a student leaders..Ok if im not mistaken,only 1 of them were taken in...Hm......Well,minggu ni paling dahsyat sekali....Cumer 2 hari jer school...power!!!Tapi ari Rabu kena balik sekolah...Mr Irwan wanna conduct his Multimedia Development class...aku datang lambat..sampai school jumpa Min...dier cakap tak ader kelas...isshhh..macam nak kena maki jer si Mr Irwan tu tapi takper...Ariff called me...Dier ckp ngan me yang kunci SRC hilang..Aku relax jer cos aku tak tahu...tapi di dalam fikiran ini macam-macam soalan dan solution yang ada..Aku memikirkan tentang masa depan SC...Adakah managenment is still gonna trust us...Well aku terpaksa buat muka tebal..jumpa admin...meet Mdm Siti @ Kak Siti tanya dier whether any of the SC members ader kasi balik kunci...Hampa sey biler kata takder...dEn balik kat my SC Room.,...cakap ngan Mr Chris dat kat admin pun takder...Well,finally i told Mr Chris...tink its better we jus report to the admin...So aku,Alvin ngan Mr Chris & MR Lim gi admin..Wow!!Hati dah berdebar...tapi fully geared to face the SINGA of Admin....well luckily she was happy..dier jus say monday datang balik do a search again......

Enuff about school...Well diri ni lak eh...hmm perkembangannya tak banyak..semuernya ok2 jer...

Keindahan Bumi ALLAH S.W.T

2004-01-10T21:13:00.000+08:00

Sejak mulanya tahun 2004 ini,aku tidak pernah blog in....Agak letih dan terlalu penat dengan keadaan diriku ini....Pelbagai perkara yang harus aku harungi dengan penuh ketabahan dan keteguhan imanku.Tahun 2004 ini merupakan tahun yang amat kritikal untuk diriku ini..Persiapan semester terakhir di ITE MacPherson akan lebih mencabar memandangkan diketahui bahawa kami mempunyai sekurang-kurangnya 6 projek yang harus dilakukan... "Ya ALLAH!Aku memohon agar diri ini diberikan kekuatan melawan segala perkara di bumi ini"

Minggu pertama di sekolah,aku sibuk.Seperti biasa menolong SC dengan Orientation Week...Alhamdulillah segala-galanya sudah selesai...Walaupun terdapat hiccups yang kita harus rempuhi,segalanya dapat diatasi...Sekali lagi,dadaku amat pedih...Dan aku lupa membawa ubatku bersamaku..Subhanallah!!Nasib baik aku mampu bertahan..Itupun sesudah berzikir di hatiku dan meminta agar diri ini diberikan kekuatan untuk berjuang....Seperti biasa,hari ini diadakan General Meeting SC..Sebelum itu ada 2 meeting meeting wif EXCO & General EXCO..Walaupun banyak yang dikupaskan,terdapat ramai yang terlalu emosi...

To All My SC Members,Look Things in a positive manner..Never think wat we r doing,we had never thought of the Questions dat was being put up...Somehow another,we would only wanna best for SC..thus please...We Would always be the MAGNIFICENT MACPHERSON STUDENT COUNCIL IN THE EAST..KEep up the spirits going..dont give up halfway.....

NEnek sudah duduk kembali bersamaku...Masih ingat masa dia sakit kelmarin apabila dia jatuh dari tandas..Aku dengan Along bergilir memandikan dia dan membersihkan diri dia itu..Sejak pertama kali doktor mengesahkan penyakitnya itu mungkin kanser,dia lari ke Melaka...Tetapi mungkin ALLAH lebih menyayanginya....KElmarin,dia telah dimasukkan ke hospital selama seminggu.Pelbagai ujian yang harus dia jalani hinggakan dia naik bosan...Hendak dikatakan tiap2 hari aku di hospital menemankannya dari pagi hingga petang...Doktor sudah mengesahkan bahawa dia menghadapi Kanser..YA ALLAH!!Ini merupakan tamparan hebat pada keluarga kami....Tetapi kita ini harus tabahkan hati ini...Umur kita di dunia ini semua terkawal di tangan ALLAH...oleh itu janganlah lupa mengrendahkan diri pada ALLAH...pohonlah keampunan kepada-NYA agar diri kami ini dapat menghadapi segala-galanya dengan penuh ketabahan....

Kesilapan Manusia...

2003-12-31T21:48:00.000+08:00

Manusia ini hamba yang daif dan lemah dengan pelbagai dugaan yang harus dirempuh dan diharungi...Ia haruslah dengan penuh ketabahan dan kerendahan diri kepada yang MAHA ESA.....Kesilapan yang telah dilakukan biarlah ia menjadi pedoman dan panduan kepada diri ini agar ia tidak menjadi kesilapan yang kedua kali....Apa yang lalu ada di dalam diri kita ini,biarlah ia berlalu....belajarlah dari kesilapan kita ini....sesungguhnya kita ini tidak lepas dari kesilapan....Banyakkan berdoa kepada ALLAH SWT agar diberikan ke atas diri kita ini petunjuk serta pedoman yang seafdal-afdalnya...semoga ALLAH mengampuni segala dosa-dosa kita ini..

AKhirnya Satu Perubahan...

2003-12-30T23:26:00.000+08:00

aLhamdulillah..akhirnya layout aku yang kedua...yang dilakukan sendiri....walaupun memakan masa yang agak lama memandangkan kesibukkan yang aku sedang alami ini...
Aku tidak tahu apa yang hendak diucapkan lagi...apakah harus aku mempercayai bahawa diri ini benar-benar ada penghuninya..apabila kekandaku iaitu kakak yang aku sayang sekali memberitahuku bagaiman tingkah laku aku apabila Yayi Jalil sedang merubatku amat mengejutkan diriku ini...Subhanallah!!Sesungguhnya aku ini hambamu yang Daif!Diriku ini amatlah terhina....maafkanlah aku wahai Tuhanku...BErikanlah aku petunjuk yang sebenar-benarnya....
Kepada Teman-teman bloggers aku,sekiranya selama ini aku ada membuat silap pada kalian maka maafkanlah aku....

Ampukanlah Dosaku!!

2003-12-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

"Oh Tuhanku,Kau mimpinlah kejahilan hambaMu,
Ku sering melanggar laranganMu,
Dalam sedar ataupun tidak...."

Syukur Kepada ALLAH Ta'ala...

2003-12-28T01:16:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah majlis akad nikah yang telah dilakukan di rumah Cik Mar(another new members of my dad's family) berlangsung dengan sempurnany dicampur dengan penuh keriangan...Pertama kali,aku melihat Cik Idang menitiskan airmata..Perasaan sayu dan pilu menyelubungi diri ini..Ya ALLAH!!!Begitu syahdu dan sayu sekali...Titisan airmata membanjiri pipiku juga..tetapi tangisanku itu penuh keinsafan dan taubat ke hadrat Illahi...
Tiba di rumah Cik Mar,biasalah aku ni kan terkenal antara saudara-mara atas keramahan aku...senang get along ngan pple easily..aku berbual ngan adik Cik Mar..dia tu seseorang penggiat teater..dia katakan muka aku ni familiar ah..khekhkeh den aku cakap ah dan berborak ngan dier...Hmm...apa lagi eh part yang paling best sekali bila lihat Cik Idang angkat nikah...fuhyoooo all in one breath...mcm superman!!!!kehkehkhekeh.Tadi bila di dalam bas pulang ke rumah di Teck Whye, Cik Sapuan berborak ngan Cik Aman pula.."Lepas Idang kau pula ker Aman?".kehkhek yeah dia seorang jer Uncle aku belum kahwin plus dua orang Aunt aku yang belum berumahtangga..
Teringat aku aper yang dilafazkan naib-kadi tadi..."Bahawasanya 70 kali solat seseorang yang sudah berumatangga itu lebih mulia daripada mereka yang belum lagi mendirikan rumahtangga" Subhnallah!!Sungguh besar sekali pahala dan ganjaran ALLAH yang diberikan kepada insan2 DIA yang mengikut perintah dan ajaran Nabi Muhammad SAW....

Aku telah membuat keputusan muktamad....Kepada temanku yang disayangi itu(ku rasa kau ketahui siapakah dirimu itu), lemparkanlah sahaja apa sahaja kekata yang ingin kau lontarkan kepadaku...Sesungguhnya aku lepaskan segalanya dari diriku ini...Sesungguhnya aku ini masih daif di bumi ALLAH ini...Aku doakan yang terbaik kerana aku ini hanyalah insan yang lemah..Terserah kepadamu untuk menunding jarimu kepada diriku ini...aku rela...Aku rela diriku ini dituduh dan difitnah....biarlah!!!Biarlah sahaja kalian mempermainkan perasaan aku...Sesungguhnya aku masih ada ALLAH untuk menyayangiku..Maafkanlah sekiranya perangaiku terhadapmu dingin...bukan benci ataupun dendam hanya rela dan pasrah dengan apa yang dilakukan atas diri ini yang lemah..Oleh itu wahai teman,aku sebagai teman yang datang dan tiba di daalaam hidupmu hanya sedetik sahaja mendoakan agar dikau mendapat kebahagiaan di dunia dan akhirat...semoga ALLAH memberkati hidupmu dengan insan yang engkau sayangi.......dan semoga mahligai yang dibina akan berkekalan.....Aku undurkan diriku ini dari hidup kalian dengan sekalung DOA ke hadrat illahii..AMIN......

Buat diriku ini aku masih menjalani rawatan di IMH..dan juga mencari keredhaan ALLAH....mencari teman2 yang dapat berborak bersamaku...teman2 yang dapat sama2 membimbingku ke jalan ALLAH..sessungguhnya aku masih daif dan lemah dengan ini semua...."YA ALLAH!!!Aku memanjatkan doaku kepadamu agar aku ini diberikan kekuatan iman dan taqwaku kepada-MU yang SATU...tabah merempuh hidup yang tidak menentu ini sesungguhnya hanya kepadaMU aku memohon pertolongan....."

Untuk temanku

2003-12-26T23:30:00.000+08:00

Sesekali itu aku terfikir apa yang inginkan dari aku...apa yang kau maksudkan melalui emailmu yang baru kepadaku??adakah ia untuk menyakiti hatiku ini dan membuat aku rasa bersalah??Sesungguhnya aku berani bersumpah dengan nama ALLAH bahawa aku tiada membuat sebarang kesalahan...tetapi tuduhan yang dilemparkan amatlah pedih..namun aku terima hakikinya bahawa diri aku ini ibarat sampah!!Bila perlu dikuti jika tidak dicampak sahaja....Aku takkan fikirkan tentang ini semua kerana aku ini hanya orang tengah..terbelah kepada dua...menjadi teman salah dan tidak menjadi teman pun salah..YA ALLAH!!!apakah ujian yang ENGKAU rempuhkan diriku ini..adakah ENGKAU ingin melihatku di dalam duka..sahabatku yang tersayang aku tidak tahu apakah motif kau itu....hanya ALLAH sahaja yang tahu...aku serahkan diriku pada ALLAH...tetapi sesungguhnya aku takkan lupakan persahabatan yang terjalin selama ini....Walaupun kau benci dan amat memandang hina padaku,aku pasrah...Titisan airmata yang mengalir memberi aku kedukaan....
Aku cuma menceriakan diri ini...sibuk dengan persiapan Cik Idang untuk bernikah esok dan bersanding nanti...Tetapi hatiku ini amat terluka...senyuman yang diukirkan amatlah palsu..Teman yang tersayang,engkau tidak pun memberitahu bahawa engkau tidak lagi menggunakan link yang lama but gunakan yang lama...jika itu terbaik untukmu dan diriku aku serahkan kepadamu tetapi cukuplah dengan tomahan dan hinaan yang kau berikan padaku..kekatamu yang membuat aku sedih dan pilu memakan diriku....Wahai teman jagalah dirimu itu...aku tidak akan mengganggumu lagi...biarlah aku membawa diri jauh dari alam hidupmu itu....Assalammualaikum temanku...+

As Strong As A Stone...

2003-12-25T23:05:00.000+08:00

I had no intention to be the cause of your breakup & destroy your happiness....& maybe because of dis,u r never goin to talk or call me animore....NEVER!!I knew dat..All blames & fingers are pointing @ me....strong headed for my own as i know i haf to bring myself somewhere....I love u sweety n so do i love dat someone....but do i swear upon the name of ALLAH i had no intention to be the cause of dis...as far as i know we haf been talking n never fighting....i leave dis in the hand of ALLAH...please sweety but if u still bear the grudge against me....i leave it 2 ALLAH to be sure of it....

Its Time For A Change...

2003-12-23T22:48:00.000+08:00

Yeah,been too tired wif stuffs around me...jus been discharge frm dat bloddy IMH..thanks Mom & Dad for being supportive towards me all dis while u know how stressful & how sad i m now..Today i had went to Nyai house.. Yayi Jalil n his wife were there...Wen Nyai ask me why i had not been goin down,she know dat i was unwell & it was true dat i was unwell...She had asked Yayi to gif me some treatment..well i was not in for it but since its in the hand of ALLAH i do gif it a try... Alhamdulillah im feeling much better now eventhough still having the pain..im sweating a lot....dats one of the side effects dat show the illness is away frm me....

Well never mind....i was jus browsing thru some pics.....dat was taken b4 Mom & Dad sent me to IMH dat nite....

Di saat Kerinduan....

2003-12-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

"Labaikallah Humalabaik,Labaikalla Syarikalakalbaik,
Innalhamda,Wanikmata,Laqawalmuq,
Laa syarikala"

Subhanallah...tersentuh kalbuku apabila mendengar lambaian ka'abah....aku berdoa dan memohon kepada yg ESA agar diriku ini dibukakan pintu hati agar terus beramal dan bertaqwa yang Esa...Aku bersyukur kerana diberikan peluang untuk melakukan ibadahku sebagai seorang muslim...menunaikan kewajipan terakhirku ini....Titisan mula mengalir dari kelopak mataku....perasaan insaf dan taubat menyelubungi hatiku..."YA ALLAH sungguh kerdil diriku ini...diriku ini penuh noda hitam....aku memohon kepadamu ya ALLAH ampunkanlah segala dosaku dan berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk kembali ke pangkal jalanku...jalan yang kau redhai itu ya ALLAH......"

HAri semakin dekat untuk aku menunaikan kewajipanku itu...Semakin itulah pelbagai dugaan yang menyelubungi diriku ini.....Aku sedar dan redha dengan aper yg terjadi...Sekelilingku membuat aku lebih matang dengan hidup ini...Penderitaan manusia,keseksaan batin dan rohani manusia itulah yang meragut keimanan dan ketaqwaan ummat-NYA....

Pernikahan sahabatku yang akan berlangsung tidak lama lagi ini membuat aku gembira...walaupun perasaan aku sudah remuk...YA ALLAH!!!Inilah dugaan yang paling besar buatku...Semakin hari bagaimana kuat aku menahan diriku ini dari menjadi insan yang dajjal,ENGKAU membiarkan orang yang aku sayangi semakin hampir dengan insan yg dicintainya...Aku tidak mampu mendawal perasaanku lagi....Tetapi ya ALLAH!!!Pabila aku teringatkan balasan mereka yang meragut nyawa sendiri,neraka adalah tempat mereka...Subhanallah!!!Aku tidak mahu ke neraka-MU tetapi aku sedar diriku ini juga tidak layak untuk Syurga-MU yang indah yang sering diceritakan di dalam Al-Quran.....

Oh Tuhan..lepaskanlah aku dari genggaman syaitan di bumi ini...Terutama melepaskan insan yang aku sayang dari minda aku ini....Kekuatan yang aku inginkan datang dariMu maka itu aku memohon kepada-MU..........

Ruling concerning ridiculing a woman who wears the proper hijaab and covers her face

2003-12-20T21:36:00.000+08:00

Question: What is the ruling concerning one who ridicules those who wear the proper hijaab and cover their faces and hands?

Response: Whoever ridicules a Muslim woman or man for sticking to and applying the teachings of Islaam is a disbeliever. This is regardless of whether it is concerning woman's hijaab or any other matter of the Sharee'ah. This is based on the following narration from ibn 'Umar: At a gathering during the Battle of Tabuk, one man said, "I have not seen anyone like our Qur.aanic readers who is more desirous of food, more lying in speech and more cowardly when meeting the enemy." A man said, "You have lied and you are a liar. I shall definitely tell the Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) about that." That news was conveyed to the Messenger of Allaah and the Qur.aan was revealed. 'Abdullaah ibn 'Umar added, "I saw the man holding on to the bag of the camel of the Messenger of Allaah and the dust was striking him while he was saying, 'O Messenger of Allaah, we were just joking and playing. The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) was simply saying the verse of the Qur.aan], {Was it Allaah, and His Signs and His Messenger you were mocking? Make no excuse, you have disbelieved after you had believed. If We pardon some of you, We will punish others among you because they were sinners}, [Soorah at-Towbah, Aayahs 65-66]. So ridiculing believers has been equated with ridiculing Allaah, His Signs and His Messenger.

And with Allaah lies all success and may Allaah send prayers and salutations upon our Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) and his family and his companions.

Apakah Yg Diharapkan....Hanya Tinggal Kenangan....

2003-12-18T22:02:00.000+08:00

apa yang diharapkan hanyalah mimpi..Mimpi yang bermain di alam fantasi...
Apa yang terjadi bukanlah impian tetapi menjadi realiti...Sesuatu yg tidak aku percaya terjadi pada diriku..Selama ini aku menjadi seseorg yg sanggup bertarung sejauh mana demi menegakkan kebenaran diri ini sendiri..Tapi apatah daya kini aku harus bertarung antara realiti dan fantasi...keputusan yg harus aku buat haruslah pintar kerana ia akan menjamin masa depanku sendiri...Silap langkahku, maka runtuhlah hidupku...apakah yg maha Esa ingin sekali menguji tahap keimanan dan ketaqwaan aku???

"YA ALLAH!!Sesungguhnya aku ini adalah hambamu yg hina...tiada daya dan upaya aku untuk menghindari segala apa yang tersusun olehmu di dalam kitab makhfusku maka itu ya ALLAH berikanlah aku kekuatan dan keimanan untuk melalui hidupku ini..."

2003-12-15T21:42:00.000+08:00

Frens here are some of e-mails dat i had received....do look & read it...

Nasihat Nabi Muhammad Saw. kepada Saidina Ali kw. sesudah Saidina Ali
berkahwin dengan Siti Fatimah iaitu anakanda kesayangan Nabi Muhammad Saw.
Nabi Saw. berpesan kepada Saidina Ali iaitu kalau memakai cincin pakailah
di jari

1] jari manis
2] jari kelingking (anak jari)

dan jangan memakai pada jari
1] jari tengah
2] jari telunjuk

Nabi Muhammad saw. melarang kerana memakai cincin pada jari telunjuk dan
jari tengah adalah meniru cara berhias kaum yang dilaknat oleh Allah iaitu
kaum yang derhaka dizaman Nabi Lut a.s.

HARGA DIRI ADALAH MARUAH

Harga diri manusia adalah maruahnya
Pada maruahlah keindahan seseorang itu
Maruah tidak boleh dijualbeli
Kerana itu jagalah maruah diri
Jangan cemarkan maruah diri
Hilang kepercayaan seluruh manusia
Allah dan Rasul juga memandang tinggi maruah manusia
Jika di dalam kehidupan seseorang itu sudah dapat dilihat cacat-celanya
Seperti pembohong, penzina, bergaul bebas dengan betina,
mungkir janji, khianat, rosak akhlaknya, menzalimi, penipu,
mementingkan diri jadi budaya, harga diri sudah tiada
Hilanglah kepercayaan manusia
Diwaktu ini ilmu yang tinggi tidak dapat menebusnya
Wang ringgit tidak dapat memulihkannya
Pangkat dan darjat begitu juga
Sekalipun bertaubat
Jagalah harga diri jangan sampai tercemar
Jika berlaku musnah dan punah harga diri
Nama baik tercemar
Menderitalah sepanjang hidup seseorang itu

Back Online

2003-12-15T13:43:00.000+08:00

Finally!!!Im back online blogging after dissapearing a week or so..been bz wif HAri Raya & also wif school work..Somehow another lots of things had been in my head...Actions Act Louder Than Words!!! Dannie> used to say dis to me...ALLAH knows best wat is rite for me....For now,lets not bother about dis too much..Yesterday we 5A2001 of BPGHS had went for Hari Raya Gathering together2...but what a pity..turn out only to be a few of us only...very heart wrenching...sometimes it is sooo unpredictable of people...As we say now people haf their own life now..here are some of the pics...

that is all for now...bye!!

Tired 2 the max!!

2003-12-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

Had been really exhausted dis last few days....had the trial run of the Orientation Games today...really hate it..Wanted to haf it @ the end of the month whereby commitee members would be able to get themselves prepared n stuffs like dat..today it was heart wrenching..Only abt 20 of us were in school..Really make me go boink...Well,dis time round,i had not really touch much...I believe dat as the commitee r frm July intakes,they ought to be more matured in their doings n more responsiblities in them...Well somehow another,they are but somehow they r not efficient enuff...they need to be pushed & given a bit of tips...as far as i could,i had given them as wat they need...they just need to execute out the events....Well,its ok..i believe dat they are still new..need still our guidance....
Think need to pen off now...need to type out n hand in the proposal to Mr Chris Wong today.....*yawn*

2003-12-02T20:49:00.000+08:00

Thanks for coming over to my hse Shades...& yesh i know dat Subri was going to be wif u...I had not make myself mentally prepared for it....I just thought dat i could just shut my eyes & act as if he is not visible to me...Instead, i was just trying to control myself for going mad..As you know how i used to care so much for him till now....Upon u guys left my hse,my mum asked me isnt dat Subri the guy dat i had sketch in my portfolio..& i do tell Ummi yes mak....He is the one....She knows how im feeling now....She hug me n i cried....Cos she knows abt my feelings...BEfore hand,i had told dat u guys r coming...Ummi hug me & told me...

Im proud of you my child..May ALLAH gif u the stregth to fight against watever obstacles in life....Amin"
Thank u Ummi...You r my most understanding mom...How i wish i could be far frm here thus i wont think much abt u Shades...wif Subri......

Well stop abt dis.....TOday bdk2 Lawak.Net came over..Wow!!1One big flock came over!!!As usual wen my student leaders came over it would be one flock...kehkehkehkeh den another bunch Dannie & gangs.....kehkhekhkehk..tooo busy ah...n im feeling tired cos im feeling down.....

Its Over Between Us But Life Has To Go On..

2003-12-01T15:15:00.000+08:00

Seketika,kita bergembira,
Tawa dan Riangmu pengubat lara,
Belaian kasih sayangmu seribu makna,
Tanpamu di sis penderitaan semata.

Terfikir sejenak kisah cinta kita,
Ada kepala tiada pangkalnya,
Tangisan air mata membanjiri pipi,
Kerana kau kekasih yg dusta!!!

Cinta kita penuh liku,
PEngorbanan tanpa pengertian yg padu,
Aku hanya insan biasa,
Yg tiada daya dan upaya nak bertarung.

Well,its over now between me n Nasrin...Only ALLAH knows wat is best for me & him....I couldnt make myself to stop crying cos he left me in a middle of my dilema...Jus like leaving me in a middle of a forest wif no equpments to survive on..Somehow another it had cause me to be mad @ myself...Reflect things in life again....YEah lucky for me...Sweety ShAdEs was there to accompany me..we actually met in the middle of the night cos i was really down...Thanks Sweety for talking to me.....I do hope we can have more of that kind of things again ha...ekhkehkehkehk....

Well,wat to do life haf to go on....Nasrin is away frm me but i know i still haf the love of my families,frends,myself & importantly of ALLAH to all his Umat.....

2003-11-29T22:51:00.000+08:00

I called u up today hoping dat i could haf a chat wif u cos i know u might be bored in camp...but,i was shock wen u say dat u r outside wif ur fren...its kinda shock me out..didnt u tell me dat u're being detained by army for ur carelessness....but why r u outside wif ur frends????Why???y do u need to put me aside...i feel useless.its nearly a week we haf been talking..im telling myself dis...hey gerl..look things on the brigt side of life...but wen u react to me put up the sting dat im useless...Frends told me dont let feelings control u...but let ur mind do control ur feelings n stuffs u do in life....Nvm,let things take its nature...

Had meeting dis morning suppose to meet them in school by 0800hrs but was late for 15 mins...though set thru the Orientation meeting wif the commitee n letting alvin knows wat is new in it....changes here n there...Hm,n after dat we had General Meeting @ 1000hrs....Wow!!HAd a whole list till next yr MArch..well do hope to type things out soon...But now im really tired n exhausted...After a whole day out berhari raya to all my relatives hse...

2003-11-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

How i wish dat u were not in NS...serving the country...How i wish dat i could just be wif u undergoin the same training as u for to understand u better Abang...Abang i know dat u neva ever wish to serve NS & i know dat u wanna be wif me rite??Or m i just imagining things in life??Abang,i know i haf to hold on if i love you...n i haf to be patience n understand u wif ur situation dat is so unpredictable...You haf to be in camp for 14 days due to ur own foolish mistakes...You know something Abang,i just do hope it work for me & you but please Abang please dont talk 2 me in dis manner...Im miss you a lot...but you had make me to keep myself busy..not tinking abt my own feeling towards you...especially wen the time i miss u alot...I cried cos i miss you i feel like shouting out things out of my heart!!I want u now!!!Things are not ok for me..But Abang i know in order to maintain dis relationship i haf to be strong enuff to face any obstacles in life...Abang u r my stregth n u r my light n torch in life....Thank you so much for saving me frm the darkness....

2003-11-28T13:08:00.000+08:00

I was really tempted to call you up & in turn which i did!!!I heard your sleepy voice...ohhh,how tired you sound hubby...How i was i was wif u to gif u a massage as u like me to....U skip ur Friday prayers too...its all due to ur field trip n u had fall asleep causing u to fire the gun unintentionally...14 days hubby....Ohh how m i suppose to be out here missing u a lot & not speding my Hari Raya wif u...I know u r tinkig abt ur family...& i in turn tinking abt u...Nevermind..I promise u by then,i wld meet u spent my time wif u before u leave for Taiwan....Abang,i love u no matter wat....Muahs..

2003-11-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

When i got hold of you & heard you speaking to me,i was happy dat i could barely describe my feelings...But you told me dat u r on duty...ok im very understandable enuff towards dat..i let the fon down even without you saying goodbyes...
Again,i waited for you to SMS me but u didnt...called u up @ 11.15pm...You told me dat u r having a rest...N where is ur promise to call me!!!All dis while,i was patience enuff to think in a positive manners thinking dat u r busy,too tired & too sleepy..Nevermind about dat....

Am i worth to be wif u wen u actually take ur friends as a priority than me??!!!Am i such a bother to u in life???Am i special or m i junk to u???Tears haf been shedding for the past few days....Abang,dont u understand me!!I miss you so much..Even u didnt know dat im crying or often you were to hear my cheerful voices,im crying n shouting in me!!!I hate this torture...I know dat im just a passer-by in ur life....IF u dont want me please tell me...Hurt me now if u do but not later....Let me suffer the torture now...I love you but if u dont tell me!!1Speak out!!But dont avoid me dis way.....

If only i could turn back the time to change my own destiny...

2003-11-27T20:53:00.000+08:00

Sigh,it has been 3 days dat i had not been talking to my bantal bucuk..yeah,we could only afford to SMS on the 1st day of Hari Raya..I was kinda bz @ hme & so was he...Dat nite,he had to book in to camp for he has range day after..wat could i do...but just nothing..Sms him but he did not reply..maybe he was bz...HE jus need to follow order by his Sir...Well,he didnt went SMS me...I ask Sajudin & he told me when they were having range it could take up a few days...so thus now i understand why he cant even respond me...A while ago,i called him up but he says dat he would SMS me later...ok im fine wif it....Im just goin to wait for him to call me up...If he is not goin to call me,den it would make 4 days i had not been talkin to me..WOW!!Really test me a lot!!All dis while,my love for him is becoming more strong...Nvm about wat i haf to say,now i must think abt PCA paper tomorrow...Somehow another i had promised myself dat by hook or by crook i must make it for Polytechnic....I must not dissapoint myself....

2003-11-26T15:19:00.000+08:00

Its the 2nd day of Hari Raya...The first day of Hari Raya was spent mostly @ home...My grAndaprnts are not in Singapore thus my Ummi n Ayah was the head of the family...As expected relatives werer to flop ove rmy hse...Khkhkehke....Left hme early in the morning for Masijd Al-Khair....Brother Yusof called me up in the morning informing me dat Masjid Al-Khair need more manpower...Most of the Muslimah were not around...thus i just went there n prayed there...After prayer,we went to Nyai's hse...& went to Nyai Piye after dat.....Yeah i cant resist myself frm crying...they keep reminding me to take gd care of myself n my parents...they know dat my prnts haf high expectation on me...They keep telling me to keep on achieving my aims n goals....Jgn kerana yang lain,i fall frm it....

Wait for Mak Oteh to come..We went to the graveyard..We went to a few graves actually..First to go my beloved Uncle Ramli Bin Ismail....It was to keep my younger Bro awake...He asked ummi whose grave we are goin....Thus Ummi told him,
"Kiter nak pergi kubur arwah Pak Hitam"...He was angry wif us dat he kicked the dustbin nearby..he couldnt control himself dat he sat n cry....Ummi cant control him dat i haf to grab hold of him n consult him....He was angry wif us for not telling him dat Uncle had passed away....."Knp Uncle pergi dulu??Knp tak Baban yang pergi???"

I dont know wat to say but all i know dat he is upset wif us for keeping him in the dark....Dat afternoon,we haf to send him home...To his 2nd home....Before he left he hug me,"Angah please take care of Ummi for me ok..."I told him,"Abang,kat dalam jgn lupa solat..Minta petunjuk dari ALLAH..Doakan roh Uncle agar tenang di alam barzah ok...Angah janji akan jaga Ummi baik2....Kat dalam sana,Abang jangan buat problem k.....Banyak bersabar tau..."

Btw,this are some of the pics dat i took......

Look awful though i was crying....

This year,im all white...

2003-11-25T00:52:00.000+08:00

Monday just fly off dat fast...NWF paper is over...only awaiting for Friday to ocme....*sigh* the paper was pretty fine..but unsure if im able to make it thru...But i do hope ii wld pass n proceed to my final semester eventhough a slight improvement wld mean a lot to me...Had let ShAdEs change my layout..dont u guys think its nice...Well was chatting wif her on Sunday nite...Wow!!Long talk though...Btw deary,i should thank you for telling me watever Subri had say to u...eventhough im not in the stable state dat i left hme for a puff....Well,i do hope our future conversation would never consist of his name cos i would only break down...I know dat you guys are getting engaged n planning to get married...Alhamdulillah my doa would be wif u...N im sure dat u guys would be happy..As for me i do still haf my bantal bucuk wif me....NASRIN.....Love you Lots!!!Muahks....Thanks for standing by my side lately...You know how crazy i could be now rite....

Oh yeah,btw he is helping his uncle out @ Geylang for the final day...Let him be ah...Just wanna earn a bit more for himself i guess.....Well,today i nearly felt while trying to climb down frm the staircase...I was just too sleepy.....N now im really sleepy.......*yawn*

*Requested by my deary ShaDeS, here is my Bantal Bucuk Pic.....

And here is another pic of him wen still a baby...

2003-11-23T02:11:00.000+08:00

Went to school today & had meeting for Orientation..Alhamdulillah everything is almost done expect dat i need to compile all the proposals n make it be one...Well was raining dat heavy dat my meeting wif my dear one was being delayed...Supposedly promised to meet him @ 4pm but ended up meeting him @ 5+....Well, i donno im really happy to meet him...Miss him a lot.........Just cant even haf the thought to be separated frm him..Well i had buka wif him...So nice of him to feed me actually cos i had no nafs to eat..

Abg,do u know dat how much i love u??u r my backbone in my life now...The thought of u being separated frm me is a nightmare...I know dis is just the beginning....there r more to come...dats y i need you to really understand,communicate well wif me & never to gif me dat one kind of attitude dat i dont like...Sometimes i feel dat u r just using me...But i know its just my emotional...Abg,please forgive me for the attitude dat i gave u..Im really sorry...Frankly,there r lots for u to learn abt me...Im in need of love...i miss the child dat i had aborted 3 years back Abg..i need u 2 b wif me...gif me the support n encouragement...give me stregth to carry on fighting...you r my rib in my body....If you were to abandon me...im goin to be shattered on the floor...Jus like nobody business...

Btw,i went to breakfast wif my deary...got hold of 2 of his pics....itupun aku yg minta....Ask him to accompany me to do my henna...but it was damn fucking pack in there...thus i decided forget abt it...Went back hme...Hubby couldnt send me hme..haf to meet his mum & adk @ TM....thus took 67 hme...I told him dat im not dat well..my heartbeat is faster than its normal speed...I had not been eating my medicine for the past 2 days...I don wanna eat it,.....Cos i knwo dat im still gonna be the same....still pending on it..but wat ShAdEs had email me make me realise...But still i cant forget abt my baby!!Only ALLAH knows why dat happened....

Once reache dmy void deck saw Bibik.they were heading for Geylang...she ask me to ocme along..thus just tag wif her...Uncle had rent a car for his trip back to Malacca tomorrow...Make henna for Shikin & me...So simple & is abeau..wow!!Hope hubby is gonna like it...ilove him...ohhh....Went ard & saw a shop selling helmet!!!YEsh!!!Finally found it @ bazaar geylang & it was selling as low as $35/-.im goin to get it on Monday when im done wif my paper....Yesh but still need to ask Abah for the money...just hope he could gif it 2 me...well,i know Abah best!!!HE is supportive towards me...but he just want me to be more wise in my doin in life...well,dat Abah my handsome dad!!Yesh Geylang was pack wif mat² motor ...got to look @ all kinds of bike...ohh gosh...saw one exaclty like Subri's n saw my dream bike...ohh man!!!!Hey im gonna make sure i end my license in 6 months....n it gonna be 6 months....Oh yeh not only on the bike but also got to @@ all kinds of people wif diff kind of character...(sorry Abg,ayg cuci mata tadi ah)khkehkehe wat a life...

Yeah haf to pen off now..need to sleep...

2003-11-21T17:54:00.000+08:00

BAck on blogging after an interval of 3 days of not blogging in...Well,really ive been doing lots of thinking dis past few days..Am i pretty sure dat Nasrin is the one for me..Well i was just reading my own personal journal dat i had sketch things out..Abg,im not a stone here....& im not the only one dat need to understand you..Abg why must i be the only person trying my best to understand you....Do you know i had been crying without you knowing it???Why must you do not haf the confident in me...im really dissapointed in you!!I was talking to my frend on the train and when i just sms u 2 simple words,you say dat i ni dah malas nak layan you..Wat are you trying to say!!!Its obviously dat you dont trust me!!!WTF!!!If i m the only party to be strong & hold on to you...without you realising it,we might not know we wld be far apart..Abg,i need you to realise thing dat i m trying to bw strong building a new life here..If you simply cant give me wat i want,i cant hold on to this....Cos i need someone to share my love ,happiness,sadness wif.....Yeah,today we had PCP test.it was the final test...It was tough though..Damn it!!Just hope i wld get a pass...Really waiting for my exams to be over!!(Hai,cepatlah masa berlalu....

I had been chatting wif ShAdEs yesterday..yeah we go on well...things were good for us & i jus do hope she would really recapulate frm her depression....As for me,im getting the depression once again..Dis morning i was telling Dee dat i wanna go back to IMH.....stay there again....Called up my Officer & Physcatirist. Told them dat i really need them..Might be fixing an appointment wif them soon...I miss my baby....I miss my baby please give me mback my baby....

2003-11-17T22:35:00.000+08:00

Back On Line Now....

Back on line after a few days of not blogging in...well i cant say dat im bz or should i say im just lasy editing my blog now...im just simple thinking too much....i dont know but whatever it is,im crying deep in my heart yearning for love,care & concern...Let me start off frm last Friday....
Well,i had went for my bike Orientation & Practical Lesson...Frankly,I was having dis thought dat im gonna be the only Malay lady(or to be exact the only Minah Fering)taking bike liecense...Indeed it was true...Upon reaching SSDC,i met someone & her name is Yani...she is there for the bike license also...Started off wif the orientation...Went on smoothly....So haf to wait for the bike practical lesson....Well well well,as i expected eyes were on me...I was the only Minah tudung taking bike practical lesson...Lucky for me the instructor was kind enough & helpful to me....Well indeed Malay guy..well he look like one of my friend...Nevermind about dat it simply well on well for me though..But still i fell down twice & almost give up..But i had promised myself dat no matter wat im goin to complete my driving license by hook or crook...Well still remember how Subri had told me not to do so & i abide by it...Ummi & ayah was never against it...they had been supporting me all dis while eventhough i had went thru a bitter period in life....As wat they say parents know u best...Nasrin,yeah he had been supporting me...He told me if dat is wat i wan.fight till u get it...Never even drop halfway...& he told me dat no matter wat he would support me all the way....Isnt he sweet to say dis to me....Oh hubby i LOVE u so much for @ least understanding my thought now....
On Saturday,went to Geylang wif Ummi,adik & Nyai wif Dian & NAtra....Ayah has given Ummi a sum of money to get for them some clothing for Hari Raya...I love Ayah so much...Y??Simple...he cares alot for his family members who r in need... Well bought a Jubah there & it was frm Arab..called my cousin up in Jeddah & ask her to get for me some Jubah...well i donno Nasrin just love me to be in Jubah eventhough sometime he loves to see me in simplicity,..Well maybe dress & skirts....He wants me to keep up the image of Muslimah....He wants me to be a good role model...Nasrin dear,i love you a lot...& may ALLAH bless our relationsip & cast away any evil eyes frm me....
Well,Ummi was talking to Along..yah yah i know Ummi..i haf a different skin tone as you,Along Adik & Abang..but please Ummi cant u for once think about how i am feeling..I feel humiliated by what you say about me...Nevermind Ummi....its ok..say wat u haf all i know dat i wont be long in dis world...u know dat i cant be in pain n u r doin dis to me...U know Ummi sometimes im always in tears crying cos u dont even understand me....Y ummi?????
Well nevermind about wat i haf to say..let me pen off now..need to do some typin n some thinking for the Orientation 2004....

2003-11-12T10:20:00.000+08:00

Listening To: Lagu-lagu Hari Raya....
Location: Currently In MCC Class.

Im In school now....yeah as usual i had been late for class....0835hrs i arrived in school....yeah as expected Mr Irwan nagged @ me again...yeah he has been attacking me recently...just feel pissed off wif me..i mean had i offend him in any way...if i did im really sorry but dont like the way he is treating us..
Nvm about him...dis morning woke Nasrin up for sahur...lucky me he did woke up when i called him up or else i wld haf to make uptime phone call to him...*sigh* wat a lazy bum he is...but it was understandable enuff...i didnt get to talk 2 him yesterday though..he is busy preparing for the field trainig next week...GOD knows where they are goin again dis time...Jus hope he would be more careful not to lost his phone like how he had lost his last time...yeah he's eyeing for 7250i and his buddies has a 'lobang' to get it for S$250. Facts are that im interested in buying it too..if only Ummi wont find out abt it ah...kehkehkehkehke :>

Btw im havinig MMI phase test later...Gosh...there r 4 items dat need to be done...Jus do hope dat i dont flop...im really worry for myself.....Do hope i can make it thru my targetted aggregrate dis semester dat is 3.2-3.5.....Yeah just hope so....Im aiming to go Poly to further my studies.....If only Abah is still affordable to support my education.....

Oklah gtg now...feeling sleepy...*yawn*...

2003-11-11T13:24:00.000+08:00

Im back Blogging Again...

Hey Peeps....Im back again...blogging wif a new skin n layout.....Wow!!Isnt it wonderful dats my own design...But still im accused of stealin someone else skin cos its exactly the same.....Sucks Man!!!!Hate it when my originality is being accused......Well never mind about dat..cos i know myself better dats my own n no one could accuse me...Its not only a man could think the way he is but we are all GOD creation...there ought to be some similarities in our thinking...Never mind about it...

Since the past days dat i had not blog on...Im just in the thinking mood..Of my life now...Wats goin to happen to my future????I know dat i make mistakes...n im here trying to amend it...Im really devastated,agitated n frustrated wif my ownself for not being able to accept things dat is happening to me in life...F**K ah....People look up to me as a confidant but i myself SUCK big time!!I cant even handle small little things in life...Sometimes when Dannie talk to me & tell me facts abt me,yeah i cant deny its really true about me...Y Aisya!!!Y????
Well,i had make it through....Watever is goin to happen now is dat,Nasrin is the only one dat i had in my heart & mind....& Collin im sorry,i had break your heart....I do hope one day you would find the right girl...I would keep whatever you had tole meall this while..No matter what,you r the best buddy u had ever had in life.....

Currently,im working on a new skins & also 2 short stories......Well,im unsure myslef...Whenever im so stress up im able to write lots of nice n mushy stuffss.....kehekhekhekhekh..well the writing is almost up also.....Do hope i can just write up some more..So far,i had gather all my short stories n i had about 10 of them...I do hope dat i can just write more so i can actually publish a book,.....

2003-11-02T22:40:00.000+08:00

Mungkin buat masa ni,aku akan ber'hiatus' buat seketika...perlu lakukan pelbagai perkara jadi to all my bloggers n my daily viewers,sorry ok for dis.....

2003-10-30T09:45:00.000+08:00

"Andai dapatku putarkan masa,
Andai dapatku ulang semula,
Segala sekitaran tersurat sudah,
Menjadi iktibar tersirat sejarah!!"

Secara tiba-tiba,aku rasa ingin berdikir kembali....Aku tahu dah lama juga aku tak blog...aku terlalu sibuk ngan studies,ITE open house,Ramadhan dan macam-macam lagi ah....Seringkali biler ada masa yg terluang aku terfikir akan kehidupan setiap insan yang dapat aku lihat di depan mataku ini...Dan juga aku merenungkan masa depanku ini....
Alhamdulillah aku bersyukur ALLAH memberi aku rahmatNYA kepadaku dan juga keluargaku.....Diizinkan ALLAH aku akan menunaikan fardhu Haji aku akhir tahun 2004....Sekarang ini aku sudah sibuk menyiapkan diriku ini untuk menunaikan fardhu Haji aku....Lagipun aku tahu panggilan Ka'abah telah pun tiba untuk aku....Lagipun aku harus jauhi segala perkara yg tidak diizinkan ALLAH ketika aku masih muda lagi..itulah yang atok pesan pada aku....
Aku tahu masalah teman-temanku bukanlah masalahku tetapi kalian tahukan betapa sedih sekali aku apabila orang yang aku syg melakukan perkara yang sama seperti aku....Kalau boleh ingin sekali aku membantu dia kembali ke jalan ALLAH..tetapi sudikah dia menerima pertolongan aku..aku tidak kisalah sekiranya aku tidak mempunyai dan memilki dia...asalkan orang yang aku sayang itu gembira...tapi Ummi selalu katakan padaku takkan kau ingin terus menantikan dia kembali....Ummi,aku tahu kau mahu yang terbaik buat diriku...tetapi Ummi buat masa ini aku masih sayangkan dia...tiap2 hari aku berdoa agar diberikan kekuatan agar aku dapat menerima dia sebagai teman saaahaja.....Dan tiap kali itulah mimpiku akan menampilkan dia meminta aku kembali padanya kerana kesetiaanku ini..Subhanallah!!Sekiranya mimpi aku itu baik maka kau merealisasikanlah mimpiku ini....kalau tidak pudarkanlah dia dari fikiranku ini.....Aku sayang padanya....tetapi dia lebih bahagia dengan kekasihnya ini....aku tahu dia tidak suka membandingkan aku ngan dier...tetapi aku rasa yang aku patut kerana tanpa perbandingan tidaklah kita tahu kelemahan kami....
Mungkin aku ini sentiasa tersenyum dan bergembira..di dalam sanubariku hanya ALLAH sahaja yang tahu.....

2003-10-28T22:24:00.000+08:00

Cambodia Here I Come!!

Maybe u bloggers might be thinking about wat dis thing is...Well alhamdulillah i had applied to do another humanitarian expedition to the country i had went before...Well all i do hope is dat all my bloggers wld pray for my health n well-being there....Well eventhough it is still far pray for me....I would be flying off on 30 Nov-18 Dec.....

2003-10-24T13:50:00.000+08:00

Found some interesting & interactive songs for my site...& the current song being played is indeed my fave....I cant resist dis song...Azmir & Adiqkin were the one who got me really hook to dis song....Well,as usual they keep on playing dis song in most of our classes...dats y im being able to memorise their songs n lyrics.....
I was just wondering about my life....Why muz problems keep on flowing to me one after the other..y muz it keep bothering me...its really freaking me up....Firstly,Ummi has been putting lots of pressure frm me...She wants me to go n look for a guy soon...She say dat im the only one left among my cousins(i mean the gerls) who is still single & thinking about studies...Im still not dat able to understand the way my Ummi thinks about life..Wen i asked her why she wants me to haf a guys so urgently,she say dat she do not want me to be like my sis...nearly 30 yet not married...she does not want dat to happen to me....She love me a lot...she wants me to be happy...she keep on mentioning about having grandchildren...Really my ears r getting used to it already.....I know dat Ummi wants the best for me...but Ummi if only u could understand my situation now Ummi,i would appreciate it a lot....I wont look for another soul if i cant find my own path to the DEEN of ALLAH SWT..Ummi im sorry i know dat im gonna dissapoint you...but Ummi please recpect my decision...If im fated to be married off to anyone,only ALLAH & U n i mean you Ummi knows who is the guy....Ummi....please be patience ok Ummi...let me lead my own life first......Ummi i love you.......